


Yours for the Taking

by About150Times



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, F/M, Forgiveness, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Overdose, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:41:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 29,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29009943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/About150Times/pseuds/About150Times
Summary: Blair Waldorf is the Ice Queen, and no one can break down her barriers. What happens when she is reluctantly paired up with Playboy Extraordinaire Chuck Bass? Can he tear down her defenses and make her see that what she really wants is right in front of her? Will a shameful dark secret tear them apart? AU. Senior year of high school. Chair always, with S/N regular appearances.
Relationships: Chuck Bass/Blair Waldorf
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Anyone but him. ANYONE but him. Blair chanted to herself over and over as Mrs. Johnson assigned partners for Senior Portfolios in her English Lit AP class. She looked around the room in a panic. Half of the class was already partnered up, and the other half left a lot to be desired. Mrs. Johnson pulled out another numbered popsicle stick out of the jar to randomly assign partners.

"Chelsea Atkins will partner with…"

Okay, I can handle Chelsea, Blair thought. Sure, she spits when she talks and smells like three-day-old spaghetti, but at least she'll shut up and do what I ask.

"...Nate Archibald."

Lucky bitch, Blair thought. Nate is the perfect partner. Handsome, wealthy, popular. An Archibald.

"Blair Waldorf and…"

Blair anxiously glanced around the room at her other options. Colleen Frasier could work, if only she would actually come to school and lay off the Oxy. Okay, maybe not the best case scenario. Her eyes then landed on Kevin Spears in the front corner of the room. How had she overlooked him? He was the perfect candidate. He wore over-sized glasses, but they were honestly endearing. His grades rivaled those of Blair and Nelly Yuki. He was like Dan Humphrey without being a judgmental, know-it-all, self-righteous prick. Please, oh, please, Blair begged the Powers that Be.

"Blair Waldorf and Kevin Spears, " Mrs. Johnson confirmed as she drew another popsicle stick from the jar.

Blair let out a sigh of relief. Mrs. Johnson had just saved her grades and her sanity.

"Mrs. Johnson, if it is at all possible, I would like to ask you to reconsider. Blair and I don't really get along. I think there's a note in my file…"

Blair closed her mouth that had fallen open and scowled. What the hell was he talking about? Note in his file? Oh, shit. The end of 8th grade, she remembered. She had very publicly punished him for making a higher grade than her on the end of the course exam. Sure, she had made everyone believe that his first kiss was with his 12-year-old sister, but that was three years ago. Talk about holding a grudge. Blair rolled her eyes and made a mental note to plan an equally humiliating punishment for Kevin at a later date.

"Mrs. Johnson, I would be happy to team up with Ms. Waldorf. After all, her mother's atelier is within walking distance of my father's office. It would be quite convenient for both of us," A sultry whisper pulled Blair from her thoughts.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

"Very well then," Mrs. Johnson shrugged.

"Mrs. Johnson! Please, I can't…" Blair screeched only to be cut short by the teacher's exasperated glare.

"Ms. Waldorf, you will partner with Charles, and that's final. Do I make myself clear?"

"Of course," Blair relented. Normally she would challenge a teacher's blatant overreach of authority on such matters, but after last year's unfortunate hazing incident, she was already on thin ice with the head mistress.

"You will have five minutes to get with your partner and plan your presentation. Make sure to exchange phone numbers so you can arrange work days. Remember, this portfolio counts for 20% of your final grade."

Great, Blair thought, and I'm paired up with the biggest slacker in school history.

As Chuck scooted closer to her, she let out a loud sigh and rolled her eyes again. "Why did you do that?"

"For entirely selfish reasons, I assure you," he smirked. "One, you are the smartest girl in this class, and I need a good grade on this project to graduate. Two, you are insanely hot, and those short little skirts you wear are an added bonus."

"Ugh, you're heinous," She scrunched her nose and turned her head in a veiled attempt to hide the crimson in her cheeks.

"That I am, but you are stuck with me."

"Let's get a couple of things straight, Bass. First, I am not doing all of the work myself, but I will inspect everything you do for thoroughness and accuracy. Secondly, we will set a schedule and stick to it. Finally, study dates will be at my house. Who knows what god-forsaken diseases cover the surfaces in your suite."

"Ooh, bossy and feisty. And did you say date?"

This was going to be a nearly impossible task, especially if her traitorous body kept reacting this way to his come-ons. Blair shoved him lightly on the shoulder and whined, "Come on. This is serious. I need a good grade for Yale, and you need to graduate. Could you lay off the lewd comments?"

"But you make it so hard when you look like that," he drawled. She blushed even deeper as he pushed a rogue strand of hair behind her ear.

She decided to ignore that particular comment altogether, along with his purposeful emphasis on a certain word. She definitely wasn't thinking about the implications of his word choice when she said, "My place, 7 pm. Don't be late."

With that, she gathered her books and headed toward the door. As the bell rang throughout the classroom, she could vaguely hear a voice murmur, "Hopefully in your bedroom...on your bed."

Blair knew enough about Chuck Bass to keep her distance, so that's what she's done for the past year. He started at Constance St. Jude's last October when his father brought him home from boarding school. He had quickly made a name for himself, but his reputation was wrought with tales of debauchery. Rumor has it he's slept with half the senior class and maybe a few of the teachers, too. Serena says that he keeps a flask on his person at all times and is rarely 100% sober (even at school).

Serena's mom, Lily, has been seeing Chuck's dad, Bart, for the past few months now, and Serea has had to spend extra time at the Bass suite, much to her horror. Surely, Serena would have some blackmail material for Blair. There is no way she is going to let that basshole ruin her shot at Yale.

As she bounced down the Met steps to meet Serena for lunch, she glanced around the courtyard. Her gaze landed on Chuck in the corner talking to Nate and Carter Baizen. His eyes slowly roved over her body before he cut his eyes back to his friend. A shiver ran up her spine as she turned around to meet Serena. How could he affect her so deeply with one look?

"Serena, I need all the dirt on Bass. That wench Mrs. Johnson paired me up with him for our final portfolio."

"Yuck, B. I try to forget he even exists."

"That's pretty hard to do when your parents are practically betrothed."

"Ugh. Don't remind me," Serena gagged.

"So, spill," Blair raised her eyebrows impatiently.

"What's there to spill? His reputation pretty much says it all. Women, booze, general debauchery. I don't think he cares much what people think."

"There has to be something. Why did he come back from boarding school? Where's his mom? Any illegitimate children I can hang over his head since he's such a man-whore?"

"I don't know anything about boarding school. Bart just said that he wanted him home so he can keep an eye on him. And I think his mom died some time when he was little," Serena sighed, "Can we please stop talking about him now and start talking about the way Nate has been ogling you for the past 20 minutes?"

Blair flushed, "No way. He doesn't even know I exist; besides I"m not looking to date in high school. I have to focus on my future."

Serena rolled her eyes playfully and placed her hand on Blair's shoulder, "C'mon, B. It's your senior year. You can have a little fun without committing to a relationship. You're eighteen years old and still haven't even had your first kiss yet."

"I'm sorry that my sexual experience doesn't include half the swim team. I'm not you, Serena," She meant for the jab to come out as sarcastic, but there was something else in her voice. She would never admit it to anyone else, but she had always felt inferior to Serena. In 9th grade, she had felt flawless in her new two-piece swimsuit right before the back-to-school pool party. Her breasts had finally filled out, and she had carefully chosen her meals based on caloric intake. As a result, she had full B-cups and a flat stomach. She had never felt more confident. Boys allowed their gaze to linger on her chest and legs, and, for once, she didn't feel self-conscious. That is, until Serena van der Woodsen showed up with her barely contained C-cups and bronze tan. Blair suddenly felt short, fat, and undesirable. Logically, she knew that she was at least moderately attractive, but she always felt like the second-best choice next to Serena. She realized that this was probably one of the many reasons that she chose not to date. Sure, one of those reasons is so she can focus on her future, but it goes deeper than that. Rejecting all possible suitors means that no boy can make her feel the way she did in 9th grade. No guy can choose Serena over her. Her mother may be able to make her feel less than she is - less valuable, less attractive, less enchanting, less powerful. But she'd be damned if any boy would make her feel that way.

"Blair, I know that you aren't trying to be hurtful, so I'm going to let that one slide. Anyway, I have to go see Mr. Simons for Chem tutoring. Let me know how it goes with Chuck this evening. Good luck!"

Blair thought about what Serena said about Nate. Was it possible that Nate Archibald could actually like her? She prided herself on being unattainable, but she might be willing to make an exception for him. Maybe she should start rethinking this deal with Chuck. He is, afterall, one of Nate's best friends. If she can get on Chuck's good side, maybe she can get the inside scoop on Nate. She glanced at her phone and sighed. Six more hours until her study date with Chuck. If she was going to get what she wanted, she was going to have to play nice.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Chuck grinned as he watched Blair sashay out of AP Lit. Her blue plaid skirt hugged her hips perfectly and swung just enough with each step that he could see a hint of creamy thigh above her thigh-highs. He really wasn't sure what he was thinking when he volunteered to work with Blair, but he had a feeling that it was going to be well worth her bitchy attitude and snippy remarks. He was anxiously looking forward to tonight. Maybe eventually he would get to see if that innocent little blush extends below her collar bone.

The truth was that Chuck had been intrigued by Blair Waldorf from the first day that he started at Constance St. Jude's last year. Nate had told him that he would fall over the first time he laid eyes on Serena van der Woodsen, but he was underwhelmed when Nate introduced the two. She was beautiful and shapely, yes, but she lacked elegance and understated appeal. He wouldn't pass up the opportunity to bang her if given the chance, but he didn't feel an insatiable urge to pursue her the way he did with Blair. Blair's allure was indescribable. He knew she had a reputation for being the Ice Queen, but underneath her virginal innocence, there was something forbidden waiting to be unleashed. Waiting to be explored.

After fourth period, he snuck off behind the main building with Nate and Carter to smoke a joint. He was still thinking about Blair's smooth thighs, when Nate announced, "So my dad wants me to ask Blair Waldorf out?"

Chuck's head whipped up quickly in surprise. "What? Why?"

Carter laughed, "Good luck with that. She's so cold she's likely to freeze your dick off before you even get to third base."

Chuck cut his eyes at Carter in warning before continuing, "I thought you were still lusting after Serena. I can see it now: Golden Boy and Sunshine Barbie."

Nate smiled at the image his friend painted. "Yeah, Serena is beautiful, and funny, and free. We always have so much fun together, and I'd love to be able to see where that could lead. But, my dad is trying to land the Waldorf account, and he thinks that me dating Blair could push Eleanor in his direction."

"Just like the Captain. Always focused on himself," Carter sighed. "Although, it would make things a little more interesting around here. How about a bet? Of the three of us, whoever gets in our frigid princess's panties first gets to host our next Lost Weekend - including picking the location, choosing the girls and entertainment. It'll be our last hoorah before graduation. The final host will become a legend."

Nate laughed, "Normally I would tell you that you're out of your mind and that no girl deserves that, but I think that Blair is far too strong-willed to fall for your charms. I'm in just to watch you make an ass of yourself."

Chuck locked his jaw. On one hand, he felt protective of Blair. He didn't really know her, but he knew that she was far too sophisticated to be spoken about like a common whore. Blair Waldorf was anything but a random lay. She wasn't the kind of girl you nail and bail. He wanted to put a stop to this asinine discussion, but what could he say really? With his reputation, they would think he was joking. The more he thought about either of his friends' grubby hands on Blair the angrier he grew. He couldn't let that happen. If seducing Blair would protect her from Carter's mouth and the Captain's agenda, then he would do just that. After all, it was for her own good, right? Or at least he tried to convince himself of that.

"What about you, Bass?" Carter cut in.

"I'm in, but let's up the ante a little bit. Blair isn't the kind of girl who is just going to open her legs to the first guy who calls her pretty. She needs to be wined and dined. How about the winner is the first guy she commits to date, not just the one to get her in bed?" There. Hopefully that would protect Blair's chastity for a little while longer.

"Wow, Bass. Who are you and what have you done with Chuck's balls?" Carter chuckled at his own joke.

Nate rolled his eyes but agreed with Carter's sentiment. "The words Chuck Bass and dating don't even go together. Are you afraid that Blair is too much of a woman for you to handle?"

"Please. You forget who you're talking to. I may bang most things with legs, but even I know that a girl like Blair Waldorf isn't going to go for a quickie between classes."

"Alright, so we are in agreement? Whoever dates Blair Waldorf exclusively first wins."

Chuck gulped. Tonight's study date just got infinitely more interesting.

Blair rushed into her penthouse after school and started digging through her closet for something to wear. She told herself that she was just changing clothes to make a good impression on Chuck so he'd put in a good word with Nate. It had absolutely nothing to do with her body's reaction to Chuck. Absolutely nothing at all.

She threw clothes left and right. Too last season. Too loud. Too short. Too long. Too tight. Too loose. What does one wear to a study date with the resident playboy?

"Dorota! Please clean up this mess immediately. We have guests in 30 minutes!" She yelled at her devoted maid as if Dorota was the one who made the mess.

She was just about to call him and tell him that she felt too ill to work today when she saw it. The vintage Chanel that she bought in Paris with her daddy last year. It was perfect. Understated enough to be appropriate for a study date with a guy she had no interest in (really), yet form-fitting and flattering enough to show that she was a desirable woman (for Nate's sake, of course). The skirt fell a few inches above her knee, and the neckline showed just a hint of cleavage that she considered alluring yet tasteful.

By the time she finished dressing, she was burning up. She berated Dorota for the lack of air in the room, and swept her hair into a classic chignon at the base of her head. She reapplied her favorite strawberry lipstick, slipped into her Valentino pumps, and lightly spritzed Chanel Chance on her wrists and decolletage. She sat down on the bed and crossed her legs. Did this look too sexy? Should she sit at her desk instead? Perhaps she should be standing when he came in?

She finally settled at her desk and opened her copy of Frankenstein. At least this would give the impression that she was hard at work and not at all fretting over her appearance when he arrived.

She glanced at the clock.

6:58 pm

She lightly tapped her pencil against her desk and bounced her knees up and down on the floor. Why was she so nervous? Was it too late to cancel?

Yes, maybe I should cancel, she thought as she grabbed her phone to type out a text with some believable excuse.

"My, my, Waldorf. Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?"

Oh, shit. Too late.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

All of the sudden Blair felt the air leave her lungs. Why had she agreed to have Chuck come to her house? She had no escape now. She finally dared to glance up at him and saw that he had changed out of his school uniform into a classic gray suit. It should be illegal for a teenager to look that dapper, she thought. He's old Hollywood handsome. All strong lines and sharp angles. There's nothing soft about Chuck Bass, and Blair appreciates that fact.

"Well, are you going to invite me in, or shall I work from the hall?" He chuckled at her.

"Right, come in. No need to be a smart ass," She snapped to hide her embarrassment. Had she been gawking at him?

"Thinking about my ass already, huh?" Ugh, did he have a lewd comment for every possible situation.

"I created an outline for our portfolio during study hall today. I think we should focus on the themes of loss of innocence and forbidden knowledge..." Chuck tried to listen. He really did. While he knew that they were talking about Frankenstein, all he could think about was helping Blair lose her innocence and introducing her to forbidden knowledge. She really was the nerdy type, he discovered. The more she rattled on about Mary Shelley and the plight of Frankenstein's monster, the more comfortable she became. He watched her twirl her hair and bite her lip as she considered revisions to her outline. Somehow her commitment to this old gothic romance made him want to dive in head first with her. For once in his life, he wanted to commit to something as deeply as she committed to school.

He hadn't even read the book yet. He figured Sparknotes would be enough to get him through the project, but now, he decided that he would have the damn thing read by the next study session. He longed to impress her, to be her equal. What was it about this girl that made him want to be a better person?

"Okay, Waldorf, so you want me to pull together a rough draft with all the evidence of how Victor abandoned and manipulated the creature into being evil. I didn't take you for one to sympathize with a monster?" There was something in his eyes as he said it that caught Blair's attention. Were they still talking about English?

"He only became evil at the abandonment of his creator, his father. A lack of love and understanding could lead anyone down a similar path. Victor saw that his monster didn't meet his expectations and threw him away like trash. Victor is the real monster in this story; others are just collateral damage."

Chuck simply stared at Blair. He had known from the moment that he laid eyes on her that there was more to her. She was gorgeous and feisty, but she was also analytical and thoughtful. He wanted nothing more than to peel back her layers and get to know the real her - the her she keeps hidden from the rest of the world.

Blair became uncomfortable at the extended silence and cleared her throat, "Anyway, I think we got a lot accomplished today. I'm impressed, Bass. I have to say I thought you would just show up and hit on me the whole time. I appreciate your focus."

He gave her a slight grin and changed the subject, "I'm full of surprises but not nearly as much as you. Tell me, how does one become Queen of Manhattan?"

One of her favorite subjects - her reign over the masses. "You have to be ruthless. Reward those who are loyal and punish those who defy you."

"Mmm, how do you reward your loyal followers? I might just get in line." He came to sit beside her on the bed, close but not touching. He looked her in the eyes and whispered, "I can be very loyal to a deserving queen."

She drew in a breath and inched slightly closer to him as she said, "It depends on what services are being offered."

Just as he leaned in to close the gap, his phone vibrated in his pocket. The sound startled Blair back to reality and she sighed, "You're buzzing."

Chuck cursed under his breath and pulled his phone out to see that Nate texted him twice. He didn't dare read the messages in case Nate mentioned the bet they had made earlier that day. Blair didn't mean to be nosy, but she just happened to see the name flash across the screen. Had she really just been flirting with Chuck Bass of all people? Had she actually been holding her breath in hopes that he would kiss her? This was not part of the plan. She was only being nice to Chuck to get to Nate.

"So you're pretty good friends with Nate Archibald, huh?" She could kick herself for being so transparent. Subtlety was usually one of her strengths, but clearly it was a weakness where Chuck was concerned.

He mentally admonished himself for even bringing his phone with him. How was he ever going to compete with Nate Fucking Archibald for any girl's interest. Blair's eagerness to hear about Chuck's relationship with Nate told him exactly what he needed to know. If anyone was going to win over Blair, it was Nate. Chuck and Carter didn't stand a chance.

"Yeah, we've been friends forever. Since before my dad sent me to boarding school."

"What was it like? Boarding school?" She was probably pressing her luck now. Chuck Bass definitely didn't do heart-to-hearts or open up to girls about his life.

"It was boarding school. It sucked. I got by on alcohol and loose women," he snapped at her, and there was a hardness in his eyes that she had not seen before. She immediately regretted her stupid line of questioning. He was shutting down, and the night was going downhill fast. This was not what she had planned.

Chuck sighed and ran his hands through his hair, "Listen, I'm sorry that I snapped at you. I just hated my time at that stupid school, and it's a bit of a sore subject. It's almost 10, so I should probably go. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Blair was determined not to tear up at his sudden change in demeanor. She didn't know why he affected her so deeply, but she couldn't stand the thought of him being mad at her. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."

Chuck cursed himself again when he saw the look in her eyes. He could be such a dick sometimes. His face softened, and he stepped forward and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Goodnight, Waldorf."

Blair gave him a slight smile and whispered, "Night, Chuck."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"So, who do you think you will go to the Annual Spring Gala with?" Blair questioned as she and Serena browsed all of the beautiful, expensive gowns in the boutique.

"I don't know. Ever since Dan and I broke up, it's been hard to focus on anyone else. Maybe I could call him and see if…"

"Serena, stop right there! I let you make that god-awful mistake last year; I'm not going to let it happen again. You are Serena van der Woodsen. You do not show up the Annual Spring Gala on the arm of a Humphrey."

"Well, Aaron Rose seemed interested…"

Blair rolled her eyes and grabbed Serena's arm, "Ugh, don't trade in a tortured writer for a tortured artist. How about Carter Baizen?"

"Eh, maybe. What about you? Guys would line up for the chance to bag a date with Blair Waldorf."

"First of all, it's not a date. I will simply require a male companion to accompany to a society event. I can't very well show up alone."

"Would it be a date if it were with a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed Archibald?" Serena giggled as she grabbed a gold Badgley Mishka gown and held it up to the mirror. Blair could help but feel a twinge of envy. Serena would look perfect in anything, but the golden gown would make her look like a goddess.

"I mean, Nate would make the perfect escort," Blair sighed dreamily. She could only imagine the attention it would garner if she were to make a public appearance with an Archibald. She (maybe instead of Serena) would be splashed all over Page Six for the best of reasons. People would envy her for a change.

"Oh, this dress is perfect for you, B!" Serena squealed excitedly as she handed Blair a rose-gold sequin Naeem Khan gown. The dress had a plunging neckline, but the rest of the dress was modest. It was a tastefully elegant dress, but it made her feel sexy, bold, and confident.

"I love it! If you go with Carter and I go with Nate, we could all go together since they are such good friends. We could get ready together and share a limo," Blair suggested.

"Oh, that'll be so fun! But if Carter and Nate are going together, you can guarantee that Chuck will tag along, too." Serena missed the small grin that graced Blair's lips at the mention of Chuck's name.

"Oh, does he have a date?" She pretended to check her phone nonchalantly.

"Chuck Bass with a date? Yeah, right. He'll probably find the girl with the shortest skirt, smallest brain, and biggest tits to take back home. Did I tell you that mom and Bart have started wedding planning. Could you imagine that thing as my step-brother? If I have to live with him, I swear…."

Blair's face fell as she listened to her friend's descriptions of Chuck's antics. She knew he had a reputation, but she honestly forgot about all of that when they were together. He was intelligent, witty, and responsive. She was surprised to find that she actually enjoyed his company and looked forward to their next study session. She had to remind herself that the Queen would never be seen with the Dark Knight. He could be her henchman, her right hand man who does her bidding; but he could never take the place of her King. There was only one suitable King for Blair Waldorf, and his name was Nathaniel Archibald.

Blair pranced into the Waldorf penthouse with her dress slung over her shoulder. She kicked off her shoes in the foyer (a bad habit that she has yet to break, especially considering Dorota always picks them up before anyone notices). She skipped up the stairs to her bedroom in a better mood than she had been in in a long time. School is almost over, Yale is on the horizon, the Annual Spring Gala is the perfect event to introduce herself to society as a woman, and Chuck is on his way over for another study date. Even if she can't explore her feelings for him (what did she feel for him, anyway?), she still enjoyed his company. She saw her own passion, wit, and determination mirrored in him. There was a lot more to Chuck Bass than women and booze, and she was secretly thrilled by the fact that he allowed her to see small little pieces.

She headed down the hallway when she heard her mother call out, "Blair, darling, is that you?"

Blair silently groaned as she headed toward Eleanor's home office, "Yes, Mother. I didn't expect you to be home today. I thought your flight left for Paris this morning."

"Well, it was delayed. Besides, I wanted to talk to you about the Spring Gala. I have the most beautiful gown in mind for you now that you've lost those last few pounds that were hanging around your hips." Blair flinched at her mother's insult, but, of course, Eleanor didn't notice. It wasn't that she was a bad parent. She loved Blair, truly, but she was absent and harsh with no filter. Blair promised herself that if she ever had children she would be present and their fiercest advocate. Her children would never question her love and devotion.

"Mother, thank you, but I already bought a gown today with Serena. It's perfect." She unzipped the garment bag to reveal the delicate dress.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Blair. What were you thinking when you chose this dress? First of all, the color does nothing for you. You will be so washed out under all of the lights at the gala. Secondly, that neckline is really more appropriate for someone like Serena - someone tall and voluptuous. I'm afraid that your frame needs a dress with more structure."

She should be used to this. She had heard the same thing all of her life. Her shoulders were too broad, her hips were too wide, her breasts were too small, her skin was too pale. She honestly wasn't sure the last time her mother paid her a compliment without a subtle insult hidden underneath. She held her chin up and dared herself not to cry, "Thank you for the input, Mother, but if you'll excuse me, I have a study date."

She didn't give her mom time to respond before leaving the room. As soons as she closed her door, she let the tears fall. She hung the dress up without a second glance and went into the bathroom where she continued to weep. She was so lost in thought that she did not hear her bedroom door creak open.

Chuck saw her standing in the bathroom and couldn't resist the urge to simply watch her. Her back was to him so he could take his time to appreciate her form. She had no idea the power that she held over him, and he wasn't ready to let her in on that secret yet. He prepared to deliver a crude line about their study date taking place in the shower when he saw her tear-streaked face. That's when he realized that she was desperately trying to pull herself together and fix her makeup. His heart sank. Blair Waldorf was a maelstrom of emotions. She was adorable when she was nervous, sexy when she was pissed off, pretty when she was shy, but she was heartbreaking when she was sad. He would do anything to take away her pain.

He walked into the bathroom and gently placed his hands on her shoulders, putting the slightest pressure on them as his fingers lightly traced her clavicle. "Hey, what's wrong?"

She surprised him by turning and burying her face into his jacket. He had to take a deep breath to get his body under control. After a moment, he wrapped his arms around her and rubbed soothing circles on her back. She sniffled, and he placed his chin on top of her head. When several moments had passed, she whispered against his chest, "I'm never going to be good enough." I'm never going to be Serena.

"What are you talking about? You're perfect." And he meant it, maybe more than he'd ever meant anything in his life.

"Maybe on the outside. Certainly not to Eleanor Waldorf."

He used the pad of his thumb to gently brush the remaining tears from her face. "Parents are assholes. And they're usually wrong."

"I got a dress for the Annual Spring Gala. Eleanor wasn't a fan. Actually, she probably likes the dress fine; it's me she has a problem with."

Chuck was finally starting to put all the details together. Blair, the beautiful, powerful Queen of Constance, has low self-esteem because her mother knocks her down every chance she gets. "Blair, look at me. You are perfect. You are smart, determined, fierce, and sexy as hell. I don't know what your mother sees when she looks at you, but she sure as hell doesn't see what I see. What I see is the most powerful, most drop dead gorgeous woman I've ever seen in my life."

She pulled back slightly to look him the eye. All she saw was pure honesty and raw desire staring back at her. Without thinking, she leaned forward and very briefly pressed her lips against his. It wasn't much of a kiss, but it was better than a thank you. Chuck gripped her hips tighter and pulled her lips back to his. Before he could deepen it, though, Blair pulled back and grinned sheepishly at him.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have…" She stuttered.

At the same time, Chuck said, "Go to the Gala with me."

He had no idea why he was putting this out there now. He couldn't stop the words from leaving his mouth, but he didn't want this feeling end. Nothing else mattered when she was around. She was the only thing that mattered from the moment that he stepped into her bedroom for the first time.

Blair stepped out from his arms then, and said, "Chuck. I can't. You know I can't."

"Why, Blair?" He asked, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. "Because of Nate? Because you don't date? Because I'm not good enough for you?"

He wanted to shake her. He knew that she felt this thing between them, too. Just because he didn't have a word for it didn't mean it wasn't real.

This wasn't supposed to happen. She had to shut this down. She had led him to believe that there was something there more than innocent flirtation. It was her fault for initiating the kiss. She knew it was hurtful when she threw it in his face, but she had no other choice.

"Because the Queen needs a King, not a Joker."

She saw his furrowed brow and the shake of his head. She had to turn away to hide the guilt written all over her face. She didn't want to hurt him, but this couldn't happen. It had to end now. The next thing she knew he had slammed her bedroom door and stormed down the stairs.

Fuck.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

As Chuck exited the building, he felt nothing but rage surge through his system. He never put his feelings on the line, not for anyone. Not even for her. Clearly this was a sign that letting his guard down would just lead to catastrophe. I am Chuck Bass. If Blair doesn't know what that means, she will soon enough.

"To Victrola, Arthur," he barked as he climbed into the back of the limo. What did it mean to be Chuck Bass? It meant that he could do whatever the hell he wanted and no one would care.

Victrola was his escape. He had been planning to ask Bart about Bass Industries investing in the club. He had written out a business proposal and everything, but right now, he felt hopeless. If Blair didn't believe in him, how could he have ever thought that his father would?

He walked through the dark club, grabbing a bottle of his favorite scotch off a waitress's tray. He sat on his favorite couch at the front of the club and took a big swig from the bottle. It burned, and he relished the pain. He took another swig and another. The fiery liquid did little to relieve the anguish he felt when he thought of Blair. He scowled and dropped the scotch onto the table. He needed a different kind of distraction. He knew from the beginning that he would never be good enough for Blair Waldorf, but then she kissed him. The bitch had toyed with him and made him lose sight of who he is.

"Chuck Bass. What a surprise."

Chuck looked up at the redhead standing in front of him. This was the distraction he needed.

"Hi, Georgina" he said with a wink. Any other day, he would've stayed a way. He would've known that this could only end badly, but with the haze of alcohol clouding his judgment and the agony of Blair's rejection fresh on his mind, he couldn't think of a single reason that this wasn't exactly what he needed at this moment.

Georgina sidled up next to him and placed her hand on his thigh, "It's been a while, Chuck. I've missed you."

"Stop with the pleasantries, Georgie. Let's get this straight. This is nothing more than fucking. I hate you as much as I always have, but you're an easy lay."

"I'm a sure thing. Let's go, Bass."

He tried to forget what happened the last time he was with Georgina. His last night at boarding school.

Blair sat at her vanity, wondering what had just happened. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She let them fall without bothering to wipe them away. She was responsible for both her own pain and Chuck's. Why had she kissed him? If they had just stayed on friendly terms then they would be halfway through with their project by now. Chuck was never going to be the kind of guy she could show up to society events with. She had to make sure that he understood that nothing could ever happen between them. She just wished she hadn't had to hurt him in the process.

Her phone buzzed beside her. Gossip Girl. 11:24 pm.

She opened her phone and screamed at the image in front of her. Chuck and Whore-gina Sparks leaving a club together. How had she ever thought that he could be anything besides the biggest womanizer in all of New York. She threw her phone on the bed, and cried herself to sleep. Chuck Bass wasn't worth her tears, but she still couldn't keep them from coming.

The next day at school, Blair was relieved that Chuck was absent. She couldn't face him after what he did (after what she did?). She was still confused on how they got to this point. She felt guilty, but she was angry with him. She was well aware that she had no right to be upset, especially after the way she treated him. It didn't change how she felt, though. He could choose any other girl; instead he chose the one she despises more than any other human on the planet.

Blair sighed, and loaded her books into her locker. She looked at her copy of Frankenstein and thought about her conversation with Chuck a few weeks ago about the monster. Chuck seemed astonished that she could find empathy for such a dark creature. Maybe it's because she has a little darkness inside of her, too.

She closed her locker and turned to see Nate standing beside her, "Um, hey, Blair."

She momentarily forgot all of her worries, and smiled at the handsome guy in front of her, "Hi, Nate!" Too eager, Blair. Reign it in a bit.

"So, I know we don't know each other that well, but we're both friends with Serena and Chuck," Blair groaned internally at the mention of Chuck's name, "and I thought we should get to know each other better…"

"Definitely," Blair agreed with a flutter of her eyelashes.

She's adorable, Nate thought, why didn't I see it before? "Anyway, um, would you want to go the Spring Gala with me next week? I know it's kind of short notice, but…"

"I'd love to," she cut in. She was going to the biggest social event of the season with Nate Archibald. Chuck who?

Bang. bang. Bang.

Chuck shot up in bed and kicked the blonde next to him. "Time to head out."

She pulled the sheet down to her stomach to expose her breasts. "But what about breakfast?"

"I said leave," he snarled, "Out, now!"

She dressed quickly and headed toward the door, opening it to reveal Bart Bass. She gave him a slight nod and slinked passed him.

Bart shook his head and looked at his son's suite. "So, I got a call from the school that you've missed three days straight? Care to explain? Though, I don't think much needs to be said after seeing your overnight guest try to sneak out."

Chuck shrugged. He really wasn't in the mood for one of his father's lectures about how much of a disappointment he is. "I've been busy."

"Charles, I brought you back to Manhattan to try to keep you out of trouble. I thought that I could keep an eye on you. After what happened at boarding school last year, we are lucky that you aren't in jail. It's clear now that allowing you to have this suite has given you too much independence that you clearly cannot handle. Lily and I have set a wedding date for June. You and I will be moving in with the van der Woodsens immediately. We are having dinner there tonight at 8 pm, and you are expected to attend." He glanced around the room, and added, "And clean yourself up, for god's sake." With that, he was out the door.

"Hello?" Blair answered her phone.

"Hey, B! I haven't seen you all week. I miss you."

"I miss you, too, S," she sighed. "I've just been really busy with my lit portfolio."

"Chuck's that much help, huh? Figures he would leave you to do all the work."

Blair cringed. Actually, he was a lot of help until I basically called him worthless. "Yeah, I guess."

"It's Friday night, B. Why don't you come over to my place tonight, and it could be just like old times. Tiffany's and pedicures?"

She could use some time with her friend, and a night of relaxation would do her good after the stressful week she's had. "Sounds perfect."

After they hung up, Serena bounced down the stairs to the living room. She saw Lily directing men with boxes around the penthouse. "Mom, what's going on?"

"Oh, Serena, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to talk to you about this yet. Bart and Charles are going to be moving in here soon. We are going to have dinner as a family tonight."

Serena rolled her eyes, but she wasn't surprised. She'd been expecting this for a few months now. At least she only had the summer before she leaves for college. She could handle living with Chuck for the short-term, right? Then she remembered her plans with Blair. Oh, well, at least Blair can confront Chuck for not pulling his weight on their project.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Blair stepped off the elevator into the van der Woodsen penthouse at 8:00 that evening. It had been like a second home to her for the past three years, so she was pretty comfortable just walking right in.

"Sorry, I'm late. Eleanor had 100 issues to discuss with me," she yelled out before turning into the open dining room. Her heart fell into her stomach when she took in the sight before her. Gathered around the table were Lily, Eric, Serena, Bart...and Chuck. She hadn't seen him since that day in her bathroom. She had texted him a few days prior under the pretense of discussing the project, but in reality, she just missed him. He hadn't responded to her. Not a single word. Even a "Fuck off" would have been better than silence.

Serena could've given her a heads up that he would be there, but why should she? Blair realized that she hadn't exactly been forthcoming with her best friend, and she had no idea that Chuck and Blair had any deeper connection than a school project.

"Blair, darling. What a pleasant surprise. Please join us for dinner." Lily smiled at her.

"Thank you, but I would hate to impose…"

"Nonsense. Since when has your presence ever been an imposition? Please, take the seat next to Serena." Across from Chuck.

Blair gulped and sat next to her friend, carefully avoiding Chuck's gaze. He hadn't said a word since she arrived. She could feel him staring at her with a hard look etched into his face. She toyed with the corner of her napkin and pushed food around on her plate. What was he thinking?

His jaw twitched as he watched her fidget in her seat. She looked incredible. He had never seen her in such casual (for Blair) clothing. She donned a pair of form-fitting dark wash jeans, a thin cami that framed her pert breasts perfectly, and a light cream blazer on top. He loved her in skirts for obvious reasons, but those jeans did something to her ass that made his trousers tighten.

"So, Blair, Charles tells me that you two are partners for your literature portfolio? I hope that he's pulling his weight. I have to say that I was pleased with his initial excitement and commitment to this project. As you may know, he hasn't always been the most diligent of students. He showed me your proposal, and it was quite impressive."

He talked to his father about me? She looked at Chuck for the first time, but he dropped his eyes to his plate. "Yes, sir, he had some wonderful ideas for the presentation. His perspective on parental detachment was quite enlightened and helped us form a valid argument for empathy for Frankenstein's monster." Did she really just say that to Bart Bass?

Serena looked at Blair questioningly but she ignored her. Her eyes stayed trained on Chuck to gauge his reaction. His mouth was set in a thin line and he closed his eyes bracing himself for his father's disapproval.

"Ah yes, Charles would excuse such errant behavior. Tell me, when was this project due? Charles hasn't mentioned it recently, so I imagine that it's already been turned in?"

"It's due next Friday actually," Blair said. She glanced at Chuck again. Had she said something wrong? She really just wanted Bart to be proud of his son for once.

"Oh, well, I guess he lost interest in the...project fairly quickly. He had so much potential, and then he started showing his true colors again this week." This week, right after her rejection. "I had hoped we were past this, but clearly he cannot be trusted with any amount of responsibility."

Chuck spoke for the first time since Blair's arrival, "If you all will excuse me, I've lost my appetite." With that, he pushed his chair back from the table and headed up the stairs.

Blair's heart ached when she saw the look of defeat on his face. She thought she was helping, but all she did was provide ammo for Bart to use to shoot his son down. Blair stood and looked Bart in the eye, "You're wrong about him."

Walking up the stairs, she drew a deep breath to prepare herself. She found him sitting on the neatly made bed in the guest room, scotch in hand. He looked up at her and sat the glass on the nightstand, "Come to gloat?"

She bit her lip and sat down beside him on the bed. She tentatively reached out and grabbed his hand, surprised when he didn't yank it back. "Chuck, believe it or not, I was trying to help. I didn't know Bart was going to spin my words that way."

"That's what he always does. His words tonight were actually nice for him. When he's around, which is rare, it's usually just to make sure I know that I am the single biggest disappointment of his life."

She saw the slightest shimmer of wetness in his eyes as his gaze dropped to their clasped hands. God, I am such a bitch. I told him he wasn't good enough for me, when that's all he's heard every day of his life from Bart. She didn't know the words to say to make him feel better. She knew a little bit about parental disapproval, but at least Eleanor showed some interest in her.

She pulled her hand from his and reached up to cup his cheek. He looked up at her in surprise, and she whispered, "He's wrong, Chuck." I was wrong.

His lip trembled slightly as she leaned in and placed hers softly against his. It was then that she felt his solitary tear slide against her own cheek. She slowly parted her lips in a silent indication that he is enough for her. He wound his arms around her slim waist and pulled her directly to him. Slowly his tongue ran along her lower lip, silently begging her to open her mouth just a little bit more. She acquiesced, and he slid his tongue against hers eliciting a soft moan.

Before she realized what she was doing, she had climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. This was so new to her, but nothing had ever felt as glorious as his lips. He pulled away from her to trail kisses across her jaw and down to her neck. He lapped his tongue against the tender spot on her clavicle, causing her to buck against him. He hissed when she brushed against his erection. His hands found their way under her cami and drew slow circles around her spine. Her innocent gasp brought him back to reality, and he slowly pulled away from her. He had to remind himself that she was still incredibly inexperienced.

He rested his forehead against hers and whispered, "Thank you."

She nodded and started to speak when Serena burst through the door. Her mouth dropped open before she asked, "Blair, can I speak to you in my room please?"

Blair sighed and squeezed Chuck's hand before following Serena down the hall. "Don't say a word, Serena."

"Like hell I won't! What the fuck was that, Blair?"

"He was sad. I comforted him. It was nothing."

"Oh, you were comforting Chuck Bass by sitting in his lap? Do you have any idea how that sounds?"

Blair was over Serena's self-righteous tirade, and couldn't keep herself from snapping, "Serena van der Woodsen, class whore, is judging me for kissing a boy? I can't believe this."

"Really, Blair? Slut-shaming?"

"I call it as I see it."

"You know, Blair, you're really quick to put on your bitch face. I am really just trying to protect you. Make out with all the boys you want, but Chuck is dangerous. He wants one thing when it comes to girls, and I know that a one-night-stand isn't what you're looking for."

"I don't need you to protect me! I can make my own choices. Besides nothing is going to happen with Chuck. I'm going to the gala with Nate, remember?"

"From what it looked like, you're the one who needs the reminder."

"Okay, I'm done with this."

Blair turned and stomped out of the room, passing Chuck on the way out. He looked angry. "You're going to the Gala with Nate, huh?"

"Yes," She wanted to give some kind of explanation, but she really didn't have one.

"Have a goodnight, Blair. I'll text you about the final additions to the portfolio," Chuck said as he descended the stairs.

Blair wrapped her arms around herself and sighed. Why did this keep happening?


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Carter stood in the courtyard at school on Monday trying to figure out the best way to approach Blair. He didn't want to come across as desperate or skeevy, but he had to act soon. Nate was taking her to the gala on Saturday, and Chuck managed to weasel his way into becoming her lit partner. The thought of Chuck working on a group project made him laugh. The lengths his friends would go to to win a bit.

The reason he hadn't pursued Blair sooner was that the premise of this particular bet bored him, even though it was his idea. It would've been fun to watch his friends try to melt the frozen exterior of the Ice Queen to get into her pants, but he didn't care much for the stipulation about dating that Chuck had added to the bet. He viewed Blair as little more than a challenge. Whoever could deflower the demure little virgin would become a legend in his own right. He smiled to himself. Screw Chuck and Nate. He would seduce the queen and have her screaming her name by the end of the week.

XOXO

Chuck sat on the sofa at Victrola and watched the dancers sway to the rhythm of the music. He sipped his scotch and thought about soft red lips and deep brown doe eyes. He had never felt in his entire life the way he had in the moment with her on his lap. Her innocent mewls and delicate sighs turned him on more than any other woman he'd ever been with. He was shocked to realize that it was more than that though. He yearned to spend time with her, to get to know everything about her. Even if she didn't let him go very far physically, he was content just to bask in her light.

He wasn't mad at her for going to the gala with Nate. Nate is the guy that every girl at Constance was dying for a chance with, so it wasn't a surprise. He was hurt, though,that she didn't seem willing to give him a shot. Everyone knows that Chuck Bass doesn't do girlfriends, but maybe he would be willing to change that for her.

He had spent all weekend trying to satiate his desire with lesser versions of Blair - petite girls with chocolate curls and brown eyes. Much to his dismay, though, his body seemed to have developed some kind of resistance to anyone who wasn't Blair. He had kicked the girls out and resorted to self-satisfaction more times in two days than he had in the past year.

"Charles," A formidable form sat next to him, and he immediately sat up and straightened his lapels.

"Father, what are you doing here?"

"After our little incident at dinner last week, I thought about what Ms. Waldorf had said about your work ethic. I realize that I've been quite hard on you."

Chuck looked at him in awe, "Yes, sir."

Bart continued, "I found the proposal you wrote for this place. At first, I thought it was just another excuse to surround yourself with booze and women, but after sharing it with the head of business development for Bass Industries, I see the effort that you've put in."

Chuck stammered for a moment, unsure what to say. Surely he had to be dreaming. After a moment, he said, "It's exactly the innovative thinking upon which Bass Industries was built."

"Bass Industries will invest in Victrola. This is your chance to prove to me that you are business-minded enough to be the heir to my empire. As you know, I have high expectations."

Chuck shook his father's hand and grinned, "Thank you, sir. I won't let you down."

"I love the idea of being a patron of burgeoning talent."

After Bart left, Chuck sat back on the couch and pulled out his phone. Normally he would call Nate with such exciting news, but he realized that all he wanted to do was talk to Blair. She was, after all, the catalyst that set this all in motion.

XOXO

Blair couldn't stop thinking about Chuck. The feel of his hands on her bare skin was etched into her brain. His hands had been so soft and gentle, and she swore as she lay in bed she could actually feel his fingertips ghosting over her spine. She shivered and buried her head into her pillow. She had never felt the desire to be physically intimate with a boy before, but was that because she had never experienced physical intimacy with Chuck Bass before now?

She thought about the one tragic tear that had escaped his eyes after the unfortunate confrontation with his father on Friday. He was St. Jude's bad boy. The one who lacked emotions, threw girls away like used tissues, and didn't care who he hurt in the process. Yet he had allowed himself to be vulnerable with her. He had shown her his softer side, a fragility that most didn't even know he had in him. He seemed to trust her, and she wanted nothing more than to be worthy of his trust. She suspected trusting others didn't come easily for him.

She couldn't help but feel that she had betrayed him in agreeing to go to the gala with Nate. She couldn't back out now, though. The gala was only three days away. Maybe she would save Chuck a dance or two.

Bzz. Bzz. Her phone pulled her from her thoughts.

Chuck: Thank you.

She grinned to herself and texted back: You're welcome, but what for?

Chuck: For believing in me when no one else did.

Her heart melted inside of her chest: You have so much more to offer than you realize.

Chuck: Bart went for my proposal on Victrola. It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't stood up for me.

Oh, Chuck, that's wonderful. I'm so proud of you.

Chuck's breath caught in his throat at those words. She was proud of him. Had anyone ever been proud of him before? He texted back: Victory party at Victrola. Friday night. Please come.

Blair: I wouldn't miss it.

XOXO

Friday arrived at last. Today is the day of her and Chuck's literature presentation, tonight is the party at Victrola, and tomorrow is the Annual Spring Gala.

Blair shot up from her bed when her alarm blared at 6 a.m sharp. She couldn't be late today. She went to work curling her hair into soft ringlets that framed her face and applying a little more make-up than she typically wears. Black mascara coated her lush lashes and scarlet lipstick adorned her lips creating a sweet little pout. She put on her favorite crisp white button up, a navy pleated skirt, white stockings, and red mary jane pumps. She topped off her outfit with a pearl necklace and a light spritz of perfume. She was ready to take on the world.

She exited her building to find Chuck's limo parked outside her penthouse. She grinned and approached the door. He rolled down the window and allowed an appreciative gaze to travel over her body. "Care for a ride?"

"Let's do this, Bass." She stepped into the limo and took the bench seat next to him.

"Should I worry about being contaminated from being inside this thing. Chuck Bass and his limo are infamous."

Chuck smirked and leaned in closer to her, "I don't allow those kinds of girls in here. It's my sanctuary. I would be willing to make an exception for you, however."

She flushed and lightly pushed him away. "Easy there, tiger. We have to stay focused today." She leaned back in and lightly kissed his lips anyway.

"Mmm, it's just as important to be relaxed, and I can think of a number of ways to achieve that." He leaned in again and kissed her deeper, allowing his hands to roam her hips and thighs.

She pulled away, panting, "Oh, look we're here."

She exited the limo and pulled him with her, linking their arms as they walked toward the entrance. Blair was well aware of the eyes watching them stroll together as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"I'll see you third period. We're going to kill this presentation." He gave her the gentlest kiss on the cheek and headed in the opposite direction. Neither one noticed the icy blue eyes staring them down from the corner of the courtyard.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Chuck was right. They had indeed "killed" the presentation. Mrs. Johnson made the comment that it was the best senior portfolio she had seen in years. Blair and Chuck were on cloud nine as they once again sat in the back of the limo heading to her penthouse.

"Did you see the look on Kevin Spears's face?" Blair asked. "That's what he gets after the little stunt he pulled…"

"I'm glad he did. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here right now," Chuck replied, bringing her hand to his lips to place a soft kiss on her knuckles.

"Me, too. I had the best partner in the whole class," She flirted.

He leaned in to place a gentle kiss on her lips, and she melted against him. She couldn't get enough of his kisses. As his tongue found entrance into her mouth, she moaned and started to slip his jacket from his shoulders. She wanted to feel his taut muscles beneath the layers of clothing. She moved her lips to his neck and suddenly felt delirious from the scent of his heady cologne. Something about it was innately masculine, and it drove her mad with desire. She began slowly popping open the buttons one by one at the top of his shirt, when his hands gently grabbed her wrists to still her movements. He kissed her mouth one last time, and pulled back, "Hey, we're at your house. Come on, I'll walk you to your door."

She pouted, but exited the limo anyway. She wanted to ask him to come up. No one was home. Dorota was running errands all evening, and Eleanor was still in Paris.

He could read her thoughts, so he placed a kiss on her cheek and said, "I'll send Arthur to pick you up for Victrola at 9."

She smiled, "I can't wait."

XOXO

Carter opened his phone to see yet another photo of Blair and Chuck locked in an embrace. He didn't think Chuck had it in him, but damn he was a good actor. He almost believed that he actually cared for this girl.

Carter turned to Nate after he stubbed out his joint, "It seems Bass is taking the lead in our bet."

Nate looked at the picture as Carter held up his phone and sighed, "Yeah, I think we should call this whole thing off. She's a really sweet girl, and I don't want him to hurt her to try to win a stupid bet."

"No way, man. Bet's still on."

"Why are you even interested, Carter? I don't think you've even talked to Blair yet."

"Very little talking is needed, I assure you."

Nate groaned, "I know that look. Carter, I really think we need to stop messing with her, man. Let her enjoy the gala, and then let's just leave her alone. This isn't fair to her. I don't know what made me agree to it in the first place."

"A little something called family loyalty, Archibald. Don't forget that your dad needs this."

Nate sighed, but he realized Carter was right. "Just try to spare her feelings, okay?"

Carter smiled. Oh, he had zero intentions of sparing anything for her.

XOXO

Promptly at 9 pm, Blair climbed into the awaiting limo to head to Victrola. She was greeted by Chuck at the door, and he walked her to his usual spot, ordering a bottle of the finest champagne. "Tonight is a celebration," he said as he poured her a glass.

"To a successful venture here at Victrola," Blair raised her glass for a toast.

"And to you having secured your way into Yale."

They clinked their glasses together and settled back to watch the dancers. Chuck casually draped his arm over the back of the sofa and traced a random pattern with his thumb on Blair's shoulder. She slunk further into his side and took in the atmosphere. She would've never imagined that this was the kind of place that she would be comfortable, but she found something about the entire club to be relaxing and intoxicating. She knew that at least part of that was from being so close to Chuck. The dancers swayed to the hypnotic music, and suddenly Blair started to feel a little bold. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was Chuck's touch, maybe it was the high from the day.

"I've got moves, you know."

Chuck looked at her in amusement. "Really? Well, then why don't you get up there?"

"No, I'm just saying. I have moves."

He nudged her shoulder. "Come on, you're ten times hotter than any of those girls."

"I know what you're doing, Bass," and then she realized that she wanted to continue to ride this high she was on. "You really don't think I'd go up there?"

"I know you won't do it." He teased her.

"Guard my drink," She smirked and stood up to make her way to the stage.

Chuck sat forward, astounded by his luck. This girl who always appears so put together and uptight is letting loose for him. For someone so innocent she was clearly well-versed in the act of seduction. She slowly lowered the side zipper on her dress, never taking her eyes off him. He had to stand then to drink in the sight of her. He had never experience a more purely erotic moment in his life. It wasn't that she was half dressed or overtly sexy; it was the confidence and freedom that she exuded as she danced for him. He gulped as he realized that was exactly what she was doing. Despite the fact that the room was filled with people, this little show was just for him.

"Who is that girl?" A voice behind him asked.

"I have no idea," he answered. And it was true. He knew Blair the Schemer, Blair the Scholar, Blair the Queen, but he was just now getting acquainted with Blair the Siren. God, I could fall in love with her.

He nearly fell over when she lowered herself to a squat and ran her hand in a tantalizing trail up her thighs until she reached the long strand of pearls around her neck. The sheepish, shy grin she gave him pushed him over the edge. He had to get her out of here before he embarrassed himself.

She bounced down the stairs straight into his arms and planted a big kiss on his mouth. The feeling of the silk chemise and the taste of her strawberry lip gloss mixed with the champagne on his tongue was too much. He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door.

XOXO

They had left so quickly that Blair hadn't grabbed her dress from the stage. She didn't care though. She felt alive, free, and wild. She had felt her inhibitions leave her the moment she stepped foot on stage. The look on Chuck's face had stirred something inside of her. He watched her with unadulterated lust, and he didn't try to conceal that fact from her. No one had ever made her feel as sexy and desirable as Chuck does. One look from him and she was falling through the abyss.

"Thanks for the lift home." She offered.

"You were...amazing up there," Chuck's sultry voice beckoned to her. He had awakened something inside of her, and she wanted nothing more than to be with him in this moment.

Slowly she scooted across the seat to him and pressed her lips to his. There was a question in her eyes that frightened and excited him at the same time. He pulled back before the kiss even really started, and in a husky voice, he muttered, "You sure?"

She didn't need to give him a verbal answer; her crushing kiss spoke for her. He had tried to maintain some semblance o f control, but he was quickly getting lost in the taste of her. She lifted her leg over his in a half-straddle, desperate to be as close as possible to him. His hand inched up her bare thigh, exploring the soft skin he found there. His jacket found its way onto the floor as she climbed her way completely into his lap.

He gripped her hips tightly and groaned against her mouth as she unconsciously ground herself against him. He needed to slow her down. Pushing her back slightly, he moved his hands up to toy with the straps of her negligee. He pulled one strap down her shoulder and pressed his lips against her skin in its place. His other hand reached up and lightly cupped her breast through the thin fabric. She gasped and tangled her hands in his hair in response.

"Chuck, please…" she begged.

He was lost then. With unsteady hands, he pulled the slip over her head and drank in her beautiful form. She flushed under his scrutiny and tried to cover her chest. "Don't," he whispered, "You're perfect."

He lowered his head to her breast and flicked his tongue over her nipple until it hardened into a peak. Once he was satisfied that he had lavished it with enough attention, he repeated the process on her other breast. She pulled his hair so tightly that it bordered on pain, but he relished in it. "Oh, God," she whimpered, and he smiled to himself.

He lay her back on the seat then and shrugged out of his dress shirt. She was surprised to see the dark hair littering his chest. It was just one more indication that he is every bit a man. After he discarded his pants, he settled himself over her and kissed her gently on the lips. She was trembling beneath him. His left hand ran up and down her side in an effort to calm her, and he lifted his right to cup her cheek, "Hey, look at me. We don't have to do this."

She smiled at him and melted at his tenderness, "I want to. I want you."

He sucked in a breath and removed both of their underwear. After rolling on a condom, he positioned himself at her entrance. "This might hurt, but I will do everything I can to make the pain go away and make it feel good for you."

She panted, "I trust you."

His heart exploded at her admission, and he gently pressed his hips forward to enter her. He entwined his fingers with hers and kissed away the tears that broke free from her eyes. She cried out at the pain, not expecting it to be so intense. Squeezing her hand, he stilled inside of her to allow her time to adjust. He whispered against her ear, "Shh, baby, shhh. It's okay."

The pain ebbed away, and she shook her head for him to continue. With uncharacteristic gentleness and supernatural self-constraint, he rocked their bodies together. Pleasure started to ripple through her, and she gripped his shoulders tighter. She moaned, "You can go a bit faster now."

He thrust into her harder and watched her face contort in pleasure. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her. He wanted to watch her reach her peak. "Open your eyes, Blair."

When she did, and she saw his eyes glazed over with desire, her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. Every nerve-ending in her body was on fire and she couldn't contain herself anymore. She bucked her hips up to meet his thrusts, seeking release.

"God, you feel incredible," Chuck moaned as he squeezed her breast and adjusted their angle for a deeper thrust. She was so tight, warm, and wet that he was having trouble staving off his own orgasm. "You're so beautiful."

His voice was so rich and velvety that it caused the coiling in her belly to explode into a million pieces. Stars burst behind her eyes, and she screamed his name as he continued to move inside her. His name on her lips brought on his own climax, and he called her name in return.

Afterwards, he pulled her into his chest, and whispered, "I mean it; you are amazing."

She sighed as he kissed her forehead, "You're not too bad yourself."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Blair awoke Saturday morning, feeling sore and elated. She walked into her bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't look any different, but she felt different. I'm no longer a virgin.

She sat at her vanity and waited for the regret to come, but it never did. She was well aware that a lot of girls weren't thrilled with their first time, that they felt shame or frustration. Chuck had been so gentle and attentive to her needs that she couldn't find any reason to think that it was anything other than perfect.

At the end of the night, she'd invited him up in hopes that they might engage in another round of lovemaking, but he insisted that he should head home to keep the gossip hounds away. She found it endearing that even after she'd very willingly given him her virginity, he still wanted to protect her reputation. He walked her to the door and told her that it had been one of the best nights of his life. The sincerity in his confession made her swoon, and she thanked him, though she wasn't exactly sure what for.

She picked up her phone to text Chuck. Thanks again for last night.

Chuck: I would say it was my pleasure, but I don't think that's entirely true, now is it? ;)

She flushed when she read his reply. Memories flooded her mind. His hands roaming her body, his tongue running up the column of her neck, his moans urging her on, her name on his lips as they coasted through ecstasy….

She fanned herself and squeezed her thighs together. Save me a dance at the gala.

Chuck: I will save you all of the dances.

She sighed. Well, I will have to dance with my date some, but I'm sure he will let you spin me around a few times.

Chuck: I would like to see you a bit before the gala. Is it possible if I stop by around 6? It won't be long, but I have something for you.

Of course. See you then.

She got dressed and prepared for a day of primping. Serena would come over around noon so that they could get ready together. She had forgiven Serena for her holier-than-thou attitude concerning Chuck, but that didn't mean she was ready to spill about last night. It was going to remain her little secret. For now, at least, anyway.

XOXO

Chuck had slept better the night before than he had in a long time, especially without the aid of drugs or alcohol. He was more experienced than the vast majority of eighteen year-olds. He'd been with models, actresses, dancers, prostitutes. He had done things that would make even the most devious of temptresses blush, but never had he experienced anything like sex with Blair Waldorf. It wasn't frantic or selfish like most couplings he engaged in. He had wanted so badly to give her pleasure; in fact, his own pleasure was mostly derived from hers. He'd felt so deeply connected to her that he would almost describe the act as lovemaking - something that he thought was just a myth with which desperate women fooled themselves into believing in real-life fairytales.

But that was a foolish thought, he told himself. Chuck Bass making love? He was incapable of love.

He was a little irked that she was still going to the gala with Nate after last night, but he told himself that it was just because it would be rude to cancel so last minute. He wasn't sure what he was thinking when he went to the jewelry store this morning. Never before had he wanted to buy gifts for a girl he was sleeping with, yet he could only imagine the radiant smile that would grace Blair's face when he lavished her with jewelry. Her happiness seemed like his ultimate goal. He felt like his own happiness hinged on hers.

This line of thinking was so new to him. He had no idea what he was doing or how to navigate these waters. He wanted to ask her to be his...partner? No, they aren't in business together. He shook his head. Lover? No, he certainly wanted more than that. Girlfriend? He smirked to himself at the word. It seemed so juvenile, but he wanted a relationship with Blair Waldorf. He wanted to be exclusive. He wanted to be the only man to touch and kiss her, to wipe away her tears, to know her inner secrets and what really makes her tick. He was surprised that the idea of monogamy didn't make him panic; in fact, it turned him on. To be Blair's one and only. To bring her pleasure that others only dreamed of.

XOXO

"Thanks for meeting me," Serena said as she sipped her non-fat latte.

"Of course. I was surprised to be hear from you since…"

"Since the Shepherd wedding, I know. I'm sorry about that. It was a drunken mistake, and I didn't handle it very well."

Nate felt a pang in his chest at the word "mistake." That night felt like anything but a mistake. "Gee, thanks."

"Ugh, that's not what I mean. Not that you are a mistake, but what we did was a mistake. I had just broken up with Dan, and I wasn't in a good headspace. Can we please just leave the past in the past? That's not why I called you."

"Fine, then why did you call me?"

Serena knew that she was overstepping her bounds here, but she was concerned about her friend. "I'm worried about Blair."

"Serena, Blair and I are going to the gala together. Besides picking out my bowtie for tonight, we've barely even talked. I can assure you that I have no intentions of defiling your innocent friend. I'm a little offend that that's what you think about me."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm not worried about you defiling her…"

"Oh…"

"She would kill me for telling you this, but I caught her making out with Chuck last week. She was in his lap and his hands were under her shirt. Nate, she's not the kind of girl that gets involved with Chuck Bass."

"Damn him," Nate cursed.

Serena looked at him questioningly, "You don't think he's…"

"No, I don't think so, but don't worry I'll take care of it."

XOXO

"Hot, damn, B! You look amazing. That dress is killer on you!" Serena gushed as Blair twirled in front of the mirror. The Naaem Kahn gown was lower cut than anything she'd ever worn, but the lace sleeves and delicate beading worked together to create a delicious mixture of glamour and elegance. Blair's hair had been swept into a low chignon with curls framing her face.

Serena grabbed her bag, and said, "I'll see you in the limo in an hour or so. You sure you don't want to just come wait with me at my house?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Chuck wanted to meet me here before the gala." This time Serena didn't miss the flush that rose into Blair's cheek.

"Blair…"

"Don't say anything. He just said he has something to give me."

"I don't know what he's playing at, but I don't think he has the best intentions with you."

"Serena, I really don't want to argue with you tonight. We've already been through this. You know nothing about who Chuck really is. You should know better than anyone that you can't always judge someone by their reputation."

"Just be careful. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Twenty minutes later, Dorota called, "Ms. Blair, Mr. Chuck for you."

"Send him up, Dorota!" She felt her pulse throb in her neck. She hoped he liked her dress. What if her mother was right, and it wasn't flattering on her frame?

When Chuck saw her he stopped in his tracks. How had the goddess before him surrendered her virtue to him the previous night? What had he done in his life to deserve even an ounce of her attention?

"Wow...Blair…" He was unable to formulate words. Were there any words in the entirety of the English language that could come close to describing how perfect she was? "I'm speechless. Words couldn't possibly do you justice. You are captivating."

She beamed at him. "You said you have something for me?"

"Impatient, are we?" He smirked at her and pulled out a plush velvet jewelry box. Nervously, he opened the box. "I saw it and thought of you."

She audibly gasped and looked up at him, "Chuck...the Erikson Beamon necklace? I couldn't possibly…"

"Yes, you can. Something this beautiful deserves to be seen on someone worthy of its beauty." He gently clasped the necklace around her neck and kissed her just below her ear.

"Chuck, I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything. Just save me that dance you were talking about." He pulled her to him and kissed her deeply. She wound her arms around his neck and melted into his embrace. "Can you come over for breakfast in the morning?"

He decided it was time to talk to her about being exclusive, but he would wait until after the gala, after her night with Nate, so that she could make a real decision about the status of their relationship without the pressure of her impending date with another guy.

"Or maybe I can stay for breakfast depending on how the night goes…" She whispered and kissed him again.

"You are going to be the death of me." He groaned and pulled her hips against his own to prove his point.

"Nah, I like you too much to let that happen."

He kissed her again, "I'll see you at the gala shortly. Don't let Nate get to handsy. I really like having him as my best friend, so it would be a shame if I had to set him straight."

She laughed and blew a flirtatious air kiss as he entered the elevator. Tonight would be a special form of torture, he thought, but hopefully after their conversation tomorrow morning, he wouldn't have to worry about any other guys ever touching her again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was a huge update. A ton goes down and a ton is revealed. Things would be a lot easier if these characters knew how to communicate with each other (ahem, Chuck and Blair), but alas, all stories need their share of drama. I am now exhausted. :) Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 10

Blair had to admit to herself that entering the ballroom on the arm of Nathaniel Archibald garnered the exact reaction from the masses that she'd hoped for. She relished in the attention - girls' jaws dropped with envy, boys' eyes widened in appreciation of her appearance, paparazzi's cameras flashed with hopes of capturing the best picture of the It Couple. She felt incredible as she smiled and waved like a princess would wave from her chariot.

Her eyes subtly swept the ballroom in hopes of catching a glimpse of Chuck. He had elected to arrive later than the rest of the crew, knowing that it would be nearly impossible to be that close to Blair without touching her. Her eyes narrowed when she saw Georgina Sparks hanging from his arm. No matter how expensive her outfit, she always managed to look like a cheap skank. Was this some form of a payback for attending the gala with Nate? Jealousy shot through her veins, as she turned her attention to Nate, refusing to give Chuck the satisfaction of a reaction. "Dance with me?"

"Of course," Nate wrapped his arms around her waist as he masterfully led her around the room. "You look beautiful, by the way."

"Thank you. You look awfully handsome yourself." As they turned on the dance floor, she chanced another glance in Chuck's direction. The whore was still latched onto his arm, and his hand was on the small of her back. He looked in Blair's direction and winked. What the actual fuck?

She asked Nate about his latest lacrosse game and feigned interest as he recalled their impressive victory. She laughed and placed her arms around his neck.

Chuck clenched his jaw as he watched Blair throw herself at Nate. He led Georgina to the dance floor in a pathetic attempt to prove that her behavior had no impact on him. When Georgina had asked to accompany him to the ball last minute, he had hesitantly agreed. He really didn't even know why; he just couldn't stand the fact that he would be there alone and have to watch Blair from a distance all night.

"God, would you just fuck her already and get it over with?" Georgina's shrill voice cut into his thoughts.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You've been panting over Her Majesty, The Bitch since we got here."

Chuck was growing angrier by the second when he saw Nate whispering in Blair's ear. He could only imagine how she would be affected by the touch of his lips against her neck..in the same place he had kissed her the night before. "Fuck off, Georgina."

He pushed her away and marched toward Nate and Blair. "Good evening, Blair," he took her hand and kissed it, "Nathaniel, would you mind if I steal a dance from your date?"

"Actually, yes, I would mind." Nate's eyes shot daggers into Chuck. "That is unless Blair objects. I can't speak for her, but I imagine she would like to dance with her date." He emphasized the last word.

Blair glared at Chuck and felt her temper rise, "I'm rather occupied at the moment, but Georgina looks lonely."

Chuck's face pleaded with Blair to understand, but she turned back to Nate ignoring the look on his face. She realized she was being childish, but she felt like she needed to punish him for bringing Georgina to the gala. He scowled, and walked off the dance floor.

Serena intercepted Chuck before he got too far. "Dance with me, Chuck." It was more of a command than a question.

"Ah, sis, have you missed me that much already?" Chuck sneered, as he led her back onto the dance floor.

"Shut up. You're not doing yourself any favors by being such an ass to everyone all the time."

"Thanks for the advice, but I think you're the last person I should listen to."

"Ugh. I have no idea why Blair seems to be so convinced that you're better than your reputation suggests."

Chuck's demeanor changed, and it didn't go unnoticed by Serena. "She said that?"

"Yes, for some reason, she has this idea that you're a decent human being. I still haven't seen it."

"She makes me want to be a better person." He said it so quietly Serena barely heard him.

"Chuck, what's going on with you and her? Are you just trying to get in her pants because she's the unattainable queen of Constance?" She saw his eyes flicker and realized that she had been wrong all along. "Or...you actually like her?"

"Serena, this is between me and Blair. Our relationship is really none of your business." He hadn't even spoken to Blair about "them," yet; he sure as hell wasn't going to talk to Serena.

"Your relationship? Oh, my God. You do. You like her! Chuck, I have to tell you something. I was afraid that you were just out to screw Blair. I told Nate…"

"You told Nate? That's why he was being such an asshole." He raked his hands through his hair in frustration. "Dammit, Serena, can't you ever just mind your own fucking business?"

"I was just trying to protect her. Your reputation…I mean, how long is it going to be until you are bored with her?" She tried to defend her actions, but she was faltering.

He spoke so quietly she had to lean in to hear, "I think I'm falling in love with her."

"Chuck…"

"Save it. I have to fix this." For the second time this evening, he left a girl on the dance floor mid-song, and stalked off toward the exit. He had to clear his mind; he needed a joint. "Baizen," he barked and motioned toward the door.

"Meet you in five, Bass," Carter responded. "There's something I have to do first."

Carter approached Blair as she stood talking to Penelope about the horrific disaster that was Emma's ensemble. "Blair, may I have this dance?"

Blair glanced around for Nate or Chuck but didn't see either of them. "Sure, one dance."

"I can't believe what a lucky son of a bitch Nate is to be here with you tonight." Carter spoke against her ear and pulled her a little too close for her liking.

"Um, thanks, I guess."

"If I'd known that this is what you were hiding under that Constance uniform all these years, I would've made a pass at you years ago."

"Ugh, Carter…"

"Come on, Blair. Even a little prude like you has to have certain urges that need to be quenched…" He ran his hands down her back to the top of her butt for effect.

"Even if I do, then in no way am I interested in having you quench them." She pushed him back and started to walk away.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Oh, but someone like Bass can? I get Archibald, if only for superficial reasons, but you must have some kind of hidden slut tendencies to spend so much time with Chuck Bass."

"Not that it's any of your business, but he's more of a gentleman than you'll ever be." She spat.

"Is that so?" He said, anger surging through his veins. "So I guess he hasn't told you about our little bet?"

"What are you talking about, Carter?"

"Bass, Archibald, and I made a bet over who could be the first to date you. Are you really so dense that you thought all of this attention was because you actually deserve it? The Ice Queen who refuses to open her legs for anyone? What bigger challenge is there?" He sneered. He ignored the shock written all over her face as he continued to insult her. He hadn't meant to hurt her, but he didn't take rejection well, especially from someone who was so willing to open herself to Chuck Bass.

"I don't believe you…" She whispered, touching her necklace.

"Sure you do. Think about it. Chuck Bass showing any interest in a girl longer than to get between her thighs? You know it's true. Nate needed you to help his father; surely you knew that your mother was considering his father to represent her company, right?" He smirked at her cruelly, "And Chuck Bass saw the only piece of ass in the entire school that he hadn't had. You were nothing more than the forbidden fruit that he was dying to taste. Sorry, princess, but you mean nothing to either one of them."

She wrenched her arm free of his grasp, "Leave me alone, Carter!"

The tears streamed down her face as she ran out of the ballroom. She couldn't breathe. There was no way it could be true. Carter is an asshole, and he could easily make up lies, right? The soft kisses, the gentle caresses, the looks of adoration, the necklace. It was impossible that it had all been a lie. She needed to talk to him, but she had to pull herself together first. She found a bathroom in the lobby and threw herself on the bench in the ladies' lounge.

XOXO

Georgina, always aching to be in the middle of drama, approached Carter. "What was that all about?"

Carter grinned as he turned toward her, "How would you like to finally get revenge on Blair Waldorf for sending you away last year?"

"I would say I'm in. Let's take the bitch down."

XOXO

Carter and Nate joined Chuck outside for a joint, the latter two unaware of what had happened between Carter and Blair minutes earlier.

Nate spoke first, "Carter, finished dancing with Blair already? I guess I better head back in before she thinks I've abandoned her."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," Carter laughed.

"What did you do, Carter?" Nate questioned.

"I think the bet's over, don't you, Bass?"

Chuck really hated Carter sometimes. He was always so smug and skeevy, but there was something in his eyes that had Chuck particularly worried. He needed to end this now. This stupid ass bet couldn't go on. He didn't give a damn about winning it. Who cares who gets to host a Lost Weekend when Blair Waldorf was the real prize? He knew that the only way to get Carter to back off was to take the challenge out of it. He had to tell them about his night with Blair.

"Yeah, I do think the bet's over, Carter. Maybe, it was over the moment I had Blair Waldorf writhing all over my cock in the back of my limo."

Click. Neither Nate nor Chuck saw the red light emanating from behind one of the massive pillars on the back patio. This was too good, Georgina thought, as she paused the recording and made her way back into the building. She had just gotten Chuck Bass confessing to deflowingering Little Virgin Waldorf on tape.

"You son of a bitch..." Nate breathed.

"Wait a minute, Nathaniel. That's not all.."

"What do you mean, Chuck, because I'm about ready to bury my fist into your face?" Nate seethed. Chuck used plenty of girls for his own enjoyment, and Nate usually turned a blind eye. He wasn't okay with Chuck intentionally hurting Blair to win a meaningless bet, though.

"What I mean is...maybe the bet was over before that. Maybe it was over the moment I fell for her." Chuck couldn't look his friend in the eye. This confession was too much. He still hadn't even had a chance to tell Blair how he felt yet.

Nate looked at Chuck in disbelief, and Carter felt the slightest twinge of guilt creep into his chest. Carter sighed, "Man, I had no idea. I have to tell you something…"

XOXO

Blair pulled her phone out of her clutch when she heard the familiar ping. She groaned internally, knowing that Gossip Girl was probably speculating about the heated discussion that had just passed between her and Carter. She was surprised to see a video load on her screen. This was a new one for Gossip Girl; her posts were usually accompanied by photographic evidence, sure, but never a video.

She sat up when she noticed that it was a video of Carter, Chuck, and Nate. That could only mean one thing. They were talking about her.

She pressed play.

Yeah, I do think the bet's over, Carter. Maybe, it was over the moment I had Blair Waldorf writhing all over my cock in the back of my limo.

She dropped her phone with a sob and ran to the nearest stall to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

XOXO

Chuck grabbed Georgina's arm. "You fucking bitch! What the fuck did you do?"

"Oh, please, Chuck like you had any real chance with Miss Priss anyway."

"You don't know that." He was desperately grasping for some reassurance that he could be worthy of Blair Waldorf. He knew that wasn't true though. He knew he had been fooling himself all along. He liked to make fun of girls with their fairytale delusions, but he seemed to be the one stuck in an impossible dream.

"Of course I do. If she knew the truth about you, Chuck, she would never look at you again. If she knew that you were directly responsible for the death of Damien Dalgaard, she'd run so fast that you'd never catch her. Give it up now before both of you get burned worse than you already are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know that this is a little OOC for Carter, but I needed him to drive the wedge between Chuck and Blair. He and Chuck have such a contentious relationship on the show that he was really the only male character who made sense to take on this role.
> 
> Also, please remember that this is not the Chuck who is so devoted to Blair in seasons 5 and 6; this is the Chuck from season 1/season 2 who told her she was rode hard and put away wet, the Chuck who blogged to Gossip Girl about Blair's sex life; the Chuck who left her at the helipad for Tuscany. He's wants to be better, but he isn't there yet. In his twisted head, he thought that he was getting Carter to back off by revealing that there was no challenge left to be had because he had already taken Blair. However crude and disrespectful it may have been, he certainly hadn't expected Blair or anyone else to hear it via Gossip Girl.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Since Blair was already in the lobby, she had managed to escape without being caught by Chuck, Nate, or Serena. She didn't want to talk to any of them. Serena had told her to watch out for Chuck, and she hadn't listened. She really wasn't in the mood for an I-told-you-so from her best friend. Nate had betrayed her; she thought that he was a genuinely good guy who wanted to get to know her better. Instead he used her. How could someone use Blair Waldorf? She was Queen, and she'd always ruled with an iron fist. Why had she let her guard down?

And Chuck...well, Chuck...she couldn't put into words what she felt. She didn't have the emotional energy to spend on him tonight. Her heart felt like it had been shattered into millions of little fragments that could never be put back together. She couldn't even breathe without gasping sobs wracking her body. She needed to sleep and ignore everyone else in the world. She curled up in the fetal position on her bed, clutching a pillow between her arms and legs, and screamed until she was too tired to scream anymore. She fell asleep in the lingerie she'd chosen especially for tonight, for her night with Chuck, with mascara streaked down her face and bobby pins still tangled in her hair.

Her phone vibrated with incessant messages that she ignored.

Nate 9:36 pm: Blair, I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt. Please pick up.

Serena 9:47 pm: B, I'm really worried about you. Please talk to me.

Chuck 9:52 pm: Blair, please let me explain. Please. It isn't what it sounded like. There was more to it than what Gossip Girl showed. You know how she likes to stir up drama. Please just talk to me. I'm so, so sorry.

Serena 10:17 pm: Blair, I'm here for you. Don't shut me out. Just let me know that you are okay. I love you.

Chuck 10:26 pm: Blair, please just call me back. I don't care what time it is. I need you to let me fix this.

Carter 10:31 pm: Hi, Blair, it's Carter. I just wanted to apologize for my part in all of this. I was an asshole, and I have no excuse. Please give Chuck a chance to explain.

Eleanor 11:09 pm: Blair, call me back. Serena said something about you leaving the gala early. Are you okay, dear? I'm sending Dorota to check on you. I can be on a flight first thing in the morning.

Chuck 11:30 pm : Fuck, Blair, I don't know what I'm doing here. I have to talk to you. I have to. Come on, baby, please just answer the phone. Please. I'm begging you. Just five minutes. Please.

Chuck 12:14 am: Blair, I'm in the lobby of your building. Your housekeeper won't let me up. Please just let me come up for five minutes. I need to see your face. I need you.

Chuck 12:48 am: Blair...shit...Blair...I...fuck…[loud bang before line goes dead]

Chuck 1:32 am: Blair, I'm an idiot. I fucked up, and you deserve better. I'll leave you alone.

Chuck 2:04 am: I'm so sorry, Blair. [sob] I'm so sorry.

Chuck 3:18 am: Blair, listen...fuck, the fucking room is spinning. I just need...dammit...I just need you to know that I'm really sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.

Dorota entered the Waldorf penthouse shortly after midnight. She found a disheveled Chuck Bass pacing in front of the elevators. He had practically attacked her upon sight, begging for entrance. Dorota didn't know what was wrong, but she prided herself on her good instincts. She was fiercely protective of Blair, and this boy looked like trouble. If Blair hadn't allowed him up, there must be a reason.

When she saw Blair's small figure hunched into a ball in her bedroom, Dorota's heart sank in her chest. The girl who was usually a tiny, strong-willed tyrant looked so broken and fragile. Dorota pulled the hefty covers over Blair's body and gently wiped as much make-up from her face as she could manage without waking her. She pulled the bobby pins from her hair and turned on the noise machine to hopefully drown out the sounds of the city. In the time that she was tending to Blair, the cell phone on the nightstand vibrated non-stop. Several times she saw the name 'Chuck' appear across the screen. She shook her head and took the phone with her. No need to allow it to disturb the already distressed girl.

XOXO

Few people knew this, mostly because he liked the fact that his reputation led people to have very low expectations of him, but Chuck Bass had not touched a drug stronger than weed in seven months. His alcohol consumption had been greatly reduced to mostly social occasions, except for the scotch habit that took over when he was particularly stressed or pissed off, like when Blair had rejected his request to accompany him to the gala. He credited his more recent sobriety with being the reason that he was really able to see Blair for who she was - this goddess who deserved all of the happiness the world had to offer.

Fool. What did any of that matter now? What had months of sobriety gotten him besides heartache? Chuck Bass wasn't supposed to care about anyone but himself.

So how come he felt like he was being ripped to pieces from the inside out?

He called and called and called. He showed up at her house. He called some more. He just knew that, if she'd let him explain, she'd forgive him. She'd punish him, of course, but she'd see that he truly had good intentions. She was like that. She saw the good in him when no one else did.

But how could he explain himself if she wouldn't talk to him?

An hour after she left, he was drunk, drunker than he had been in months. Several hours later, he'd called every dealer he knew, offering triple the price to whomever could get him the strongest drugs the quickest. Chuck Bass's money talks, and, by 3 am, he had enough drugs in his system to send most people into cardiac arrest.

The only difference between this and the benders he used to go on is that there are no whores involved this time. He'd be lying if he said that he hadn't wanted to call his go-to girls because, honestly, sometimes it's easiest to fuck the pain away. He would numb himself with illicit substances and then screw a nameless tramp until he fell into a dark oblivion.

This time was different, though. As much as he wanted the pain to go away, he felt like cheap hookers were an insult after having Blair. Even through his drug-induced haze, he felt like he would be betraying her. As if she were ever mine to betray, he scoffed. She never belonged to me because I never deserved her.

That was his last thought before he passed out on the cold tile floor of his bathroom.

XOXO

Serena had tried for three days to see Blair, but Dorota had sent her away apologetically each time. Ms. Blair tired, Ms. Blair feels ill, Ms. Blair no accepting visitors.

She needed to talk to someone. She needed someone to help her get through to her friend, but she felt more alone now than she ever had. Multiple times she had considered calling Nate for help, but she was too angry with him for his involvement in the bet. If he was really as good of a guy as she had thought he was, then he would've never agreed to it in the first place.

She talked to Eric, but he had been little help. "It's Blair, Serena, she's embarrassed, but she's the strongest girl in school. One day soon, she'll get up, decide that no one can hold down the queen for long, and she will be back to Nairtinis in no time."

As she sat at the Palace bar, sipping on her second gin and tonic, she noticed a familiar face seated in a dark corner. The slight haze of alcohol lowered her inhibitions, and before she knew it, she was standing in front of his table, hands on her hips. "You bastard! How could you do this to her? I was a fool to believe that you actually cared for her."

He had to blink several times for her to face into focus. "Why, hello, to you too, sis." He slurred. God, he was really drunk.

"My best friend won't even talk to me, and it's all your fault."

"Again with the self-victimizing shit. Not everything is about you. Are you here drinking away your pain? Oh, poor pitiful, Serena. Crying like a little bitch while her best friend is the one suffering," he sneered.

The slap resounded throughout the bar, and multiple patrons turned in their direction. Serena lowered her hands and her voice to try and avoid another public spectacle. All she needed was for this to end up on Gossip Girl. "And who's fault is that, Chuck? You're so concerned about Blair's suffering, but here you are drinking away your problems like you always do."

"I am who I am, Serena. I don't deserve her. I've come to terms with it."

"You're right; you don't deserve her. But that doesn't change the fact that her feelings for you were real. Were you being serious when you said that you loved her, or was it just another really twisted part of one of the sick games that you play?"

"I love her more than I love the air that I breathe...but that doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything, Chuck. Maybe if you would pull yourself together and stop being so pathetic and feeling sorry for yourself, you would see that."

He turned away from her and took another drink from the scotch in front of him, refusing to acknowledge her presence any longer. She growled in frustration and marched out of the bar.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

When she finally woke up late Sunday afternoon, the events of the gala hit her like a freight train. She could hear the smugness in his voice as his crude words replayed in her mind: Maybe, it was over the moment I had Blair writhing all over my cock in the back of my limo.

She'd thrown up again involuntarily when she thought about the look on his face as he bragged about fucking her like some common whore. She hadn't eaten in nearly 36 hours, but she refused to binge. She had battled bulimia her sophomore year whenever the scandal with her father's male lover had come to light, but she was stronger now. She'd be damned if she let some self-absorbed ass like Chuck Bass cause her to relapse.

Around five Sunday evening, Dorota came in with a tray of fruit and crackers, but Blair still didn't have much of an appetite. Dorota tried to return Blair's phone, but she asked her loyal maid to hold on to it for a while longer. "I can't face them yet, Dorota. The ridicule, the feigned sympathy, the snickers. I don't care what any of them have to say. As long as I have you, I have everything I need."

Dorota was growing increasingly worried. Blair had cut herself off from the entire world. She had only communicated with her mother briefly when she borrowed Dorota's flip phone to call her. "Yes, mother, everything is fine. No, Serena, was just being dramatic because we got into an argument." She was thankful that her mother was so gullible, probably because she was rarely involved in Blair's life besides to criticize her.

Serena had once told her that when life didn't go as planned, she acted like she was in a movie. Well, if that was true, she was currently starting in a box-office franchise.

She e-mailed her teachers late Sunday to let them know that she was feeling ill and would not be at school for a few days. Fortunately, her senior portfolio (with Chuck...sigh) had secured her an A in AP Lit and the rest of her classes were pretty much gimmees.

The entire following week was spent in the company of Audrey Hepburn, Jane Austen, and Dorota. She took three bubble baths a day, ate endless macaroons, and journaled about anything and everything, except him. She had not spoken his name in seven days. She resorted to snapping her wrist with a rubber band every time his name crossed her mind. Her number one goal was to erase his existence from her brain. During the day, she was almost successful. By the weekend, she had even offered Dorota several half-hearted smiles.

At night, though, her dreams betrayed her. At night, he came to her, and whispered sweet nothings in her ear, as he undressed her at an agonizingly slow pace. When he entered her, she would gasp and call his name with a sob.

She always woke up at the same point in the dream...or was it a nightmare? The memories would re-fuel her anguish each day, like a heartbreaking rendition of Groundhog's Day.

There would be no happy ending for her though. It was just endless pain. Day in and day out.

By the following Monday morning - a full eight days since the gala - she committed to return to school. She didn't want to see them, any of them, but finals week was upon them. She couldn't hide from real life any longer, no matter how much it hurt.

Looking in the mirror, she didn't recognize herself. She hadn't worn make-up since the gala, and it felt strange to swipe the foundation across her rosy cheeks. You are Blair Waldorf. The world doesn't tell you who you are; you tell them.

"Dorota, it's time. Give me my phone."

She opened it up, and the first two words saw were "Chuck" and "sorry." She quickly closed it and handed it back to the maid. "Do something with this. We will pick up a new one on the way to school. This one is tainted."

She would walk into Constance with her head held high and make Chuck Bass regret the day that he ever crossed her.

XOXO

Walking through the school doors slightly hung over, Serena collided with none other than Nate Archibald. He had tried to call her a few times, but she hit 'igonore' the moment his name flashed across the screen.

"Excuse me," she muttered and tried to quickly pick up her fallen belongings.

"Serena, I've been trying to get ahold of you." He pleaded, handing her a notebook.

"There's nothing to talk about, Nate. You aren't the person I thought you were."

"Serena, please. I tried to call off the bet. I didn't want Blair to get hurt. It was so stupid, and I really am sorry."

Serena sighed but digressed. "I'm so worried about her. She hasn't spoken to me since the gala."

"God, she must really be upset to shut you out. If you have a chance to talk to her, please let her know how sorry I really am. And Chuck…"

"Ugh. I will not be mentioning Chuck to her. At all. He's the reason this whole thing is happening. I tried to talk to him last week, and he just drowned his problems with liquor."

Nate grabbed her arm, and made her look him in the eye, "Serena, Chuck can be an ass 95% of the time, but what Gossip Girl posted was only half of the story. I think he has real feelings for Blair. I've never seen him like this, not even when…"

"Not even when what?"

"Never mind. It's not my place to tell. I'm just worried about him."

"He deserves whatever is coming to him." Serena said stubbornly. In her eyes, this entire mess was his fault.

"Maybe so, but I think the only person who deserves to make that decision is Blair. He at least needs to be able to explain his side."

"What's there to explain? He humiliated her in front of half of Manhattan. Blair's entire life revolves around her reputation, and he ruined it."

"God, you are so stubborn!" Nate huffed and walked toward the building. He stopped mid-stride and turned back to her. "Just think about what I said. If anyone can get Blair to talk to him, it's you."

XOXO

As Blair stepped onto the concrete sidewalk, she planted a bitchy smirk on her face and pulled her dark shades over her eyes. They could stare all they wanted, but she would not acknowledge their existence. A fallen queen is still royalty, after all. They could kiss her feet or her ass, but she would not cower before sheep.

Before first period she'd already sent two tips to Gossip Girl. One outlining Nathaniel Archibald's illicit affair with a married Duchess. She'd almost felt bad for including the part where he was basically being paid for sex by a former swimsuit model who'd been injected with too much botox when she realized that the affair must've stemmed from the failure on his father's part to secure a partnership with Waldorf Designs. If Nate hadn't tried to use her as a pawn, she may have willingingly helped the Archibalds land the Waldorf account, but no one wins when they bet against Blair Waldorf. No one.

The second blast described all of Carter Baizen's exploits, including his involvement in a secret gentleman's club, a jail stint in Santorini, and an illegal gambling ring to which he owed tens of thousands of dollars. She'd also uncovered thousands of dollars in other debts, including unpaid hotel tabs. Not only was Carter Baizen a piece of shit, he was a broke, pathetic, lying piece of shit.

Her final revenge would be her greatest accomplishment during her reign as queen. Chuck Bass's punishment had to fit the crime - a crime that no other student had even come close to matching. It was going to take some time. She was determined to ruin him. Like he ruined me.

"Blair Waldorf," came an unpleasant voice from behind her.

She ignored the sound and continued her path up the steps to Constance.

"Blair, wait."

She turned with an exaggerated huff, "What do you want, Georgina?"

"Just to supply you with the arrow that will pierce Chuck Bass straight through the heart."

Intrigued, Blair lowered her sunglasses, and looked Georgina up and down. She hated Georgina Sparks more than any other girl on the planet, but she knew one thing for certain. When it came to schemes and scandals, Georgina was second to none. "Go on."

"Did you ever wonder why Chuck was so reluctant to talk about boarding school? Or why Bart brought him back here in the first place? It's not like Daddy Dearest yearned for some father/son bonding."

"Get on with it," Blair snipped.

"Chuck Bass killed Damian Dalgaard."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

August 2007

Chuck looked around the halls of what was about to become his home for the next two years. Sinclair Preparatory School for Boys - basically a fancy name for too much dick. He would have to work extra hard to get laid, something he'd always deemed a leisurely sport.

The tour guide stopped in front of a nondescript door with brass numbers above the peep hole. He opened the door and gestured for Chuck to enter. "This is your dorm, and this," he pointed to a short shrimp of a kid, "is your roommate."

The boy stepped forward and held out his hand, "Damien Dalgaard, nice to meet you."

Chuck extended his hand and grasped Damien's. He looked him up and down as though he were evaluating his worthiness. He noted the slight scent of marijuana emanating from the boy's blazer and smirked. This kid has potential, he thought, as he said, "Chuck Bass, pleasure."

XOXO

Chuck awoke with a start, soaked in his own sweat. The nightmares had haunted him for months after the incident. He had spent six months in intensive therapy sessions to come to terms with what had happened. The first dreamless sleep he had had was the night he slept with Blair. She was the light in the darkness, and her presence chased his demons away.

Something Serena had said resonated with him. He loved Blair, and he needed her in his life. But did she need him? Was it selfish to pull her in all of her radiant glory into the darkness with him?

He had to at least apologize, perhaps feel her soft skin against his lips one last , if she decided that she wanted nothing to do with him, he would honor her wishes. He could love her from afar if she was truly happy without him.

Before he could even think about talking to her, he had to pull himself together. Serena may be a self-righteous bitch, but she was right about the fact that he was wallowing in self-pity. His current state of drug-addled intoxication wasn't helping anyone, least of all Blair.

He called room service to discretely clean up his suite and get rid of all the drug paraphernalia and liquor bottles. He wished now that his father had actually followed through and made him move in with the van der Woodsens. Perhaps that would be his next step if he could get Serena to accept his presence.

XOXO

Blair was glad that Chuck was absent from third period, but she did have to face Nate. She ignored him the entire class period, but he was too quick when the bell rang. He blocked her from leaving.

"Nate, I have nothing to say to you. Let me pass."

"Look, Blair, I know that I don't deserve to even speak to you right now, but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am. The bet was really stupid, and I never meant for it to happen. I tried to call it off, but I let my family problems override my sense of decency. I'm sorry."

"Nate, I don't know if I will ever look at you the same way. I'm not even sure if I can forgive you, but I think you've paid your penance. Now, please, just leave me alone."

"One more thing. Please talk to Chuck. There's more to the story than what you saw. He really cares about you. Just talk to him, please. He's really hurting. Give him five minutes, and then you never have to see him again if you don't believe him."

"He's hurting?!" She scoffed as she felt her anger boil in her veins.

"Blair, he was only trying to get Carter to back off…"

"I don't need to hear this," She screeched and pushed her way past him.

After school, she sat on the picnic tables outside the cafeteria, and stared at the Gossip Girl tip she had written and rewritten multiple times: Chuck Bass isn't just a lady killer, but a literal killer, as well. Damien Dalgaard's blood is on the hands of CB.

Her hand hovered over the send button for several minutes until she sighed and hit the backspace button.

I hate him so much, she told herself as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She desperately wanted to hurt him as badly as he had hurt her. He deserves her wrath, she reminded herself.

But this secret was next level. It wasn't high school drama and public shame; it was a life-altering scandal. It would ruin his life, not just his reputation. Could she really be responsible for inflicting that much pain on him?

At first she hadn't believed Georgina. Chuck was many things, but a killerwasn't one of them. She had never seen him act aggressively or violently toward anyone.

After doing her own research, she had discovered that Damien was Chuck's roommate at Sinclair. They seemed pretty close as far as Blair could tell, almost as close as Chuck and Nate. Damien had mysteriously died in May 2008 - a year ago, she realized - but the cause of death was undisclosed.

She thought about what Nate had said about there being more to the story. What possible excuse could he have for what he said. She had trusted him; he was the first boy she'd ever trusted unconditionally and he had broken her to pieces.

She felt her resolve crumbling, so she quickly opened up the Gossip Girl tab and pushed play on the horrible video. She had to remind herself who he really wasn't an option.

XOXO

Serena couldn't believe her luck when she stepped out of the school building on Monday. There sat Blair in all of her perfection. Red lips, beautifully coiffed hair, headband in place like a crown. This was the Blair Waldorf she knew and loved.

"B, I've been trying to reach you for days…" She said as she approached the brunette.

"Sorry I haven't been in the mood for your I-told-you-so lecture," Blair didn't bother looking at her.

A look of hurt crossed Serena's eyes, and she sat down beside her friend, "I would never do that to you. You were hurting, and I wanted to be there for you."

"I'm not hurting, Serena. I'm angry. There's no fury like a Blair Waldorf scorned. Everyone will pay. Most already have," She smirked.

"Listen, B, I saw Chuck before the video at the dance, and a few days later. I think Georgina only showed the part that she wanted you to see. He's a mess. He told me some things that I think are better coming from him, but you need to hear him out." Serena knew that saying all of this to Blair, now, when she was still so angry, was a risk. But it was a necessary risk. Having the two of them speak face to face might be the only way to fix this disaster.

Blair turned away from her. It was the same thing that Nate had told her a few hours earlier. "I have to go," She stood abruptly and walked away.

XOXO

"Dorota, I need my cell phone. Now!" Blair yelled as she marched off the elevator.

"But, Miss Blair, you say…"

"No buts, Dorota. I said now!"

As soon as the phone was in hand, she shakily pressed play to hear each of the voicemails from her friends. She rolled her eyes at her mother's and Carter's messages, but she froze when each of Chuck's desperate pleas carried across the speaker. He sounded broken, and her frozen heart began to melt once more.

XOXO

Chuck had just dressed for the first time in a week, when his cell phone chimed. He ignored it as he adjusted his bow tie. No one worth his time would be contacting him now. He had an appointment with Dr. Sherwood. He finally realized that therapy was the only productive and healthy way to deal with all of his baggage. He was so used to self-medicating that he had never realized how effective his therapy sessions actually were.

After therapy, and with a clear head, he started in the direction of his limo. He had decided that now was the time to go to the van der Woodsen home to plead his case to Serena. He needed to be surrounded by people who could hold him accountable.

As he slid into the limo, he remembered the notification from earlier. He pulled out his phone and almost dropped it in shock at the words blazing across the screen.

Blair 4:13 pm: I need to talk to you. My place, 7 pm.

His hands trembled so badly that he could barely raise his sleeve to check his watch. 6:37 pm. Shit. "Change of destination, Arthur. The Waldorf Penthouse. Now."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I never intended for this to turn into an angsty story, but then I wrote this mess. LOL
> 
> I do want to go ahead and give all my readers a heads up. The next chapter or two (I'm not sure how long it will take yet) will be very dark. I will need to give a trigger warning that will contain a spoiler, so if you want to avoid spoilers and will not be easily triggered by sensitive topics, then you will want to skip over chapter 15's author's note.

Chapter 14

Their eyes met, and it felt like an eternity before either one spoke. She was resolved to remain hard and unfeeling; he was starving for her attention.

Her hair was curled perfectly around her face with a red headband neatly in place. He loved it when she wore headbands.

His suit was charcoal with a lavender pocket square and a deep plum bowtie. She loved him in purple.

She was breathtakingly beautiful.

He was devastatingly handsome.

He wanted to go to her and forget the past nine days of turmoil. He faltered when he didn't see the twinkle in her eyes that had made him volunteer to work with her in English class two months ago. Her gaze was harsh and dispassionate. He wanted to speak, but he didn't feel he had the right to dictate how this would go. He needed to carefully follow her directions. One misstep could take away this singular opportunity to right his wrongs. He lowered his eyes to his hands, waiting for some indication that he was even permitted to be there.

She didn't know where to start. She had spent the past two hours outlining exactly how she wanted this meeting to go - the questions she would ask, the callous stance she would take, the unbreakable expression she would use to mask her thoughts. But she was unprepared. No matter how much she'd gone over this moment in her head; nothing could have prepared her for seeing him in person. All of the memories, all of the caresses, all of the special moments came flooding back, and it very nearly brought her to her knees. Just as quickly, all of the pain he had caused crashed down on her, and she had to settle herself onto the bed to keep from losing her balance.

When he saw the distraught look in her eyes reflecting the pain that he felt in his own heart, he couldn't stand the silence any longer. He cautiously took a few steps into her room and began, "Blair, I…"

"Wait. Please stop talking," Her bottom lip trembled as he approached her and she scooted further away from him, protectively wrapping her arms around her chest. "I do not want to talk about the gala. I only called you here because we have a rather serious matter to discuss."

He dropped his head and closed his eyes, trying to tend to the new wounds she'd opened with her words. He hadn't expected her to be so closed off. He had expected her to yell, maybe slap him, maybe cry out in anger, but he had not expected her to turn into a statue of stone surrounded by impenetrable walls. "Blair, please, I am so sorry. It wasn't what it seemed. Gossip Girl…"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it!" She screamed. The normally collected brunette shook with frustration, so Chuck closed his mouth and waited.

They both stood in silence for several moments. Neither looking at the other. Both drowning in heart-wrenching pain and fear.

After she was able to compose herself, she slowly started to speak. "I need to know about boarding school. About Damien Dalgaard."

His head shot up and his eyes darted to her face. It was the last thing he expected to hear. Now he realized why she had asked to meet him. She needed the gritty details to exact her revenge. He felt his temper start to rise before taking several deep breaths to calm himself. If he wanted Blair to trust him, he had to trust that she would not betray him once she had the full story. Relationships were built on honesty, right? Relationships, honesty, trust. It all felt so foreign to him, but he was determined to be someone worthy of Blair Waldorf's devotion. He made himself a promise in that moment. No more lies. No more secrets.

"May I sit?" He asked, motioning toward her desk chair. She didn't respond, but simply waved her arm in agreement. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything. From the beginning. Georgina says you killed him. Is that true?" She couldn't tear her gaze from his face now. Her words clearly had an effect on him. He drew another breath, and ran his hands through his hair.

He didn't raise his eyes from their focus on the floor when he gave her a slight nod of his head. She saw his shoulders slump, and she longed to reach out to him.

The weight of emotions was suffocating. He felt heartbroken at recalling the untimely, unnecessary death of his friend, but he was also terrified that this would change how Blair viewed him. She already hated him for his part in her humiliation at the gala, but what will she possibly think about him now that she knows he's a monster?

For the first time since this conversation began, he dared to look up at her. In her eyes, he saw sorrow, empathy, and disbelief. He was surprised that he did not see horror, shock, or fear reflected there.

She slowly opened her mouth to speak, and then shut it again, contemplating the right words. She needed an explanation, but she didn't want to push him too far. "I...I don't understand."

A tear streamed down his cheek, but he didn't bother to swat it away. His voice was nothing more than the weak whisper of a man defeated far too many times. "I didn't physically kill him, but I provided the bullet that did."

"Chuck, I'm not following...how did Damien die?"

At the bluntness of her question, he buried his head in his hands and cried in earnest. His whole body shook with violent convulsions, and Blair could hear the deep soul-crushing sobs emanate from deep within his throat.

At first, she was frozen with uncertainty. In the many moments that she'd spent with Chuck in the last few months, she'd never seen such a blatant display of raw emotion. For a moment, she forgot her anger and her quest for revenge. In this moment, the only thing that existed insider her was a desperate need to comfort this boy for whom she cared so deeply.

She carefully lowered herself to her knees in front of him and gripped his hands in her own. He looked up at her in surprise, and she gasped at the bright red splotches littered across his face and puffy eyes that stared back at her. He sniffled, and she squeezed his hands. "It's okay, Chuck, you can tell me."

"God, Blair, it's so horrible. I'm so ashamed. The guilt is unbearable. It's all my fault. He was seventeen years old, and it's all my fault. He should still be here. He should..." His voice broke off with another sob, and he couldn't speak anymore.

Blair gently pulled him off the chair and into the floor with her. She pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and slowly dabbed at the wet spots on his cheeks. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled his head down to her neck. He continued to weep as she softly stroked his hair and shushed him as a mother does a distraught baby. She placed tender sweeping kisses across his forehead and rocked their bodies lightly in a soothing motion.

They remained in that position for a half hour. Neither one speaking; both hearts breaking.

His breathing finally started to return to normal, and he pulled back slightly from her embrace. She looked in his eyes and squeezed his hands once again in reassurance.

With a shaky breath, he started his story.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First of all, trigger warning for this chapter: excessive drug use. There will be a different trigger warning for chapter 16.
> 
> I'm super anxious about posting this because it's way out of my comfort zone as a writer. I had to divide Chuck's story up over two chapters so that I could build the scene. The Chuck we see here is probably closest to Pilot Chuck - the Chuck who used women and drugs and didn't care about anyone but Nate. In this case, Damien is the only thing he cares about. He's very crass, and that's hard for me to write, but I tried. Also, I know literally nothing about drugs. I had to look several things up, but if something doesn't make sense, please just pretend that it does. I hope my internet search history doesn't raise any red flags. lol

Chapter 15

August 21, 2007

Chuck bounced down on the bed and turned to his new roommate, "So, Damien, I recognize the scent of sweet Mary Jane on you…"

Damien stuttered, "It's just a little. I just do it when I get nervous, and I was anxious about getting a new roommate. I'll get rid of it; please don't turn me in. My father…"

Chuck looked at the nervous boy in amusement and sniggered, "Turn you in? I was hoping to partake."

The stunned look on Damien's face didn't go unnoticed by Chuck. Man, this kid needs to loosen up, Chuck thought. He's wound up so tight that it'll take a league of women to get him to relax. In that moment, Chuck committed to using his influence to turn Damien into the most badass kid on campus. By the end of the year, Damien Dalgaard would rule Sinclair Prep.

Damien attempted to disguise his nerves behind a cool countenance, "Sure, man. Any time."

"So, what is there to do around here besides the occasional joint?" Chuck inquired.

"The place is pretty boring," Damien responded. "There's a pool hall in the Commons, and lots of us like to hang out there. Sometimes, some guys will sneak in wine coolers, but alcohol comes with heavy consequences."

Wine coolers? Chuck tried not to groan. This place really needed his help. "Are there ever any parties?"

"Not really. There was a movie marathon last weekend, and we watched all of the Star Wars series. After we were sure all the faculty was asleep, we pulled out some joints and watched American Pie...I swear, Shannon Elizabeth's tits are…" He motioned to his chest to indicate the size of the actress's well-endowed chest.

"Yeah, I get it." Chuck rolled his eyes. "You got a boner from a two-deminsional image and it's replayed in your wet dreams every night since. What about real girls?"

Damien blushed furiously, and stammered, "I haven't talked to a real girl in months. They're really strict here. Peyton Brewers tried to sneak a girl in last month, and he got expelled without warning."

"Well, that was before Chuck Bass was here. Give me a week, and I will have this place swimming with all the liquor you can drink, all the drugs you can inject or snort, and all the women you can fuck." To make good on his promise, he pulled a flask from his suit pocket and, after taking a swig, passed it to Damien.

Damien took a much smaller sip, and began to cough, choking on the harsh burn of the scotch. Chuck laughed and patted him on the back. "That won't happen again either when I'm through with you."

October 26, 2007

As Damien bent over the table to snort a line of coke, Chuck took a long drag on his cigarette and watched his friend. In the past two months, Chuck introduced Damien to a variety of painkillers, heroine, cocaine, and Ecstasy. He taught him how to mix them effectively with the least chance of overdose.

He introduced several of the other boys to his drugs of choice, but Damien was his protege. He had taken him on as a project to entertain him during his time in the hellhole that was Sinclair, but he was shocked when they quickly became friends. Damien was not his sidekick, but his second hand man. The other boys look to the two of them as leaders, and they abused their power shamefully.

Austin Riggs had gotten caught a few weeks prior trading a bottle of Oxycontin for a bottle of Adderall. The exchange took place under Chuck's command, but Austin's loyalty ran deep. Instead of turning in his fearless leader, he took the punishment, which included a month-long suspension and a drug charge.

A tall redhead in a black bustier and thong wandered to the boys and took a seat on Chuck's lap. He ran his hand up her thigh and kissed her deeply. Getting the girls in had been the hardest part. The boys were able to transfer drugs and hide the liquor fairly efficiently, but women weren't nearly as covert. He had paid the whores handsomely to break into the Commons and sneak up the back staircase.

The pool hall became the boys' sanctuary. Faculty members rarely ventured in because up until recently the inside had boasted little more than rousing games of pool, Texas Hold 'Em, or chess. The headmaster and the tenured staff did not have any interest in the students' leisurely games, so they didn't bother them.

The redhead turned in Chuck's lap and ran her fingers down his chest. She purred against his ear, "Are you ready for me? Cindy wants to join this time, and we brough party favors."

Damien's cheeks flushed as he registered the girl's words. He was still amazed at how largely unaffected Chuck remained to the girls around him. He typically ignored their presence except to humor their advances until he was ready to allow them to fulfill their one and only purpose. Then he'd fuck them hard with no thought given to their wants or desires. They were whores, and he fucked them like whores.

Damien's eyes watched Chuck's hand trace a path over the girl's breast up to her chin, which he lifted before pressing a kiss against her lips. "Go wait for me. You two can start without me."

As the girl sauntered off, Damien's gaze flickered to her round ass. He groaned internally as he adjusted his pants.

Chuck turned to his friend and said, "I think it's time for your final lesson."

Damien looked back at Chuck, "And what's that?"

"You've learned what drugs and alcohol can do for you, but you've yet to experience the most pleasurable of all vices."

Damien gulped, "You mean sex?"

"Yes, Damien, that's exactly what I mean. What good is a high without letting it boost you through physical euphoria with a beautiful woman...or multiple women, but let's not jump ahead of ourselves," Chuck smirked.

"I don't know how….I mean, I don't know where to start. I've never talked to a girl like that." Damien was sputtering now as his pulse raced. He envied Chuck Bass in so many ways. Chuck was the master of every room he entered, and nothing fazed him. He was the very definition of cool, and Damien yearned to reach that same godlike status.

Chuck motioned to a girl to join him. "Hey, Georgie, I want you to take Damien to the study lounge and treat him well. He's got a lot to learn, and you are the ultimate teacher."

Georgina looked Damien up and down and took a sip from her cocktail. He was cute, if a little short. It had been a while since she'd had fresh meat to work with, and she was looking forward to molding him to her liking. Without a word, she grabbed his hand and led him down the hall.

December 8, 2007

"Fuck!" Damien slammed the phone receiver down on the nightstand. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" He picked up his glass and threw it at the wall.

"Whoa," Chuck looked up. "What's gotten into you?"

"Headmaster Owens wants to see me in his office first thing in the morning. My dad's going to kill me!"

"Why? You haven't been caught with anything. You've been pretty low key. Maybe it's not even about you." Chuck shrugged, unconcerned with his friend's agitation.

"I'm failing all of my classes because I've been skipping. Those fucking teachers just have sticks up their asses." He turned and punched the wall repeatedly, pulling back only when the skin on his knuckles cracked and started to bleed.

Chuck sat up straight with anger etched into his face, "Dammit, Damien! Have I taught you nothing? Ds will get you by; Cs will keep you off admin's radar. Only skip once or twice a month with the excuse of being too sick to attend. If you want the party lifestyle under the thumb of a prig like Owens, you have to set some ground rules for yourself. Those rules are nonnegotiable. You can't just go off the cuff. That shit gets you kicked out!"

"Fuck you! Not everyone can be Chuck Bass and have the whole fucking world do as you please with the flick of your wrist." He turned and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Damien didn't return to their dorm that night.

December 9, 2007

Chuck looked up when he heard the door rattle the next morning. He breathed a sigh of relief when Damien walked into the room looking pretty disheveled but otherwise unharmed. Damien sat on the bed and sighed, "Hey, man, I'm sorry about last night. I was tweaked and lost control."

"It's already forgotten, but when did you start doing meth? I thought I told you to stay away from that stuff."

"Georgina introduced me to it." He shrugged dismissively.

"Fucking bitch," Chuck cursed. "You have to stop doing meth. You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."

"That's rich coming from you," Damien scoffed.

Chuck sighed and figured this was yet another problem to deal with at a different time, starting with confronting Georgina. He had to get to his 9:00 class in fifteen minutes. "How'd your meeting with Owens go?"

"He put me on probation until I get my grades up. He said that if I get them up before Christmas, he'll take me off probation. I guess he's going easy on me since my record is spotless, and I was such a good little boy...until you got here, at least." He was laughing, but Chuck wasn't.

"Listen, you have to take this seriously. Take a little break from the booze and drugs. Or if you must, keep it light. You only have a few more weeks until Christmas. Maybe I'll find you a Shannon Elisabeth look alike for you Christmas present," Chuck said with a wink.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was a beast to write. It's my longest chapter to date. I have gone back and forth several times on Damien's cause of death. I think you will notice here some incorporated elements from season 1. Pre-pilot Serena was originally my muse for Damien, but then his story developed a little bit differently than what I had originally planned.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: extreme drug usage, mentions of overdose and thoughts of suicide

Chapter 16

February 2, 2008

Damien did not heed Chuck's advice, and he was still on probation going into the third quarter. They were now three weeks into the spring semester, and Damien had not slept in his bed in the dorm he shared with Chuck for the past 4 nights. Chuck was becoming increasingly frustrated with his roommate, when he realized that he no longer held much influence over him. Usually if Chuck told Damien to jump, Damien would obey without question. Now their friendship was wrought with contention because Damien was not willing to listen to Chuck's condemnation for the same behavior he often exhibited. Damien viewed Chuck's disapproval as highly hypocritical.

While Chuck's power of persuasions had all but diminished, Georgina's flourished. Chuck was aware that her hold over Damien was unhealthy, but he was powerless to change it. If he pushed Damien, it only pushed him closer to Georgina. If he tried to warn or scold Damien, the latter would pull out of the conversation contemptuously. Their friendship was constantly strained with concern, judgement, guilt, and frustration. Chuck regretted the moment that he introduced Damien to Georgina. She and Damien had no lines that they weren't willing to cross.

As Chuck made his way across campus after turning in an essay - nevermind the fact that he had paid one of the other boys to write it for him - he stopped when saw Damien engaged in a heated discussion with the campus security guard, Russ. Chuck and Russ had a mutual understanding; Russ was willing to turn a blind eye to some of Chuck's shenanigans in exchange for complimentary stays at certain Bass-owned hotels.

When Chuck saw the handcuffs clutched in Russ's hand, he quickened his pace as he approached them. "Good evening, Russ. What's going on?"

"Get out of here, Chuck. This doesn't concern you," Damien cut his eyes in warning to his friend.

"I was talking to Russ, thank you," He glared, turning back to the older man.

Russ sighed and rubbed his bald head. He didn't make enough money to deal with these punks. He knew he shouldn't discuss the matter with Chuck, but he really didn't care that much. "Caught young Mr. Dalgaard here in the middle of a drug deal with one of those boys from Harrington High. I can't have him selling drugs to minors on campus, Chuck. The other boy made a run for it, but I caught Damien when he tripped over that stump."

Chuck looked at Damien with fury written all over his face. If his eyes could shoot fire at his roommate, then he would be incinerated in minutes. Damien didn't bother looking at him.

Chuck pulled out a wad of one hundred dollar bills, and said, "Look, Russ, I really don't think that's necessary. What would the headmaster think if he knew that you let a little shrimp from Harrington get away from you so easily? I think it's in everyone's best interest if we just forget that this little incident ever happened."

Russ huffed and ripped the cash from Chuck's hand, stuffing it into his pocket in the process. "This is the last time this happens. Do you two understand me?"

Damien nodded, and Chuck muttered "Perfectly" as he dragged his friend by the arm back toward the dorms.

April 11, 2008

Damien and Chuck had been able to work out their differences over the past few weeks...or so Chuck thought. Damien seemed much more receptive to Chuck's advice, and Chuck let go of the leash a little bit. Damien had raised his grades enough to get off of probation, and he had avoided any further run-ins with Russ.

On this particularly dreary spring day, Chuck and Damien lay on the floor in their room lazily smoking joints. Chuck had tried to pull back on most of the hard drugs and liquor, but weed was the one vice that he couldn't let go of. It helped calm his nerves, and he figured since Damien smoked before he even met Chuck, there was no need to abstain.

When they were both decently stoned, their conversation turned more serious. Damien asked about Bart and Evelyn for the first time in the eight months that he had known Chuck. While they had become good friends, neither one was particularly good about opening up about their lives before boarding school. In this moment, as the thunder crackled outside their window and the rain pinged against the roof, they bonded over the profound torture of being rich boys with absentee parents.

Chuck explained Bart's eternal disappointment with contempt, "He thinks I'm responsible for my mother's death. She died giving birth to me. He will never see me as anything more than the pain in the ass that murdered his beloved wife. I'm the darkness that stole the light from his life."

"Shit, man," Damien shook his head. He could hear the strain in his friend's voice and longed to comfort him. "How can you be responsible for a death that was clearly accidental. It's not your fault, dude. You have to let the guilt go. I'm sure your mother wouldn't want you to blame yourself for something you had no control over."

Chuck just shrugged and fixed his eyes on the shadows of the raindrops dancing across the ceiling. He had opened up in a way that he very rarely does, and the weight of Damien's words were too much to form a response. Something in Chuck's foggy brain told him that he needed to pay close attention because he would replay Damien's words in his mind for a long time to come.

Damien, sensing Chuck's tension, continued, "Listen, man, I know I haven't told you this. But, you're like a brother to me. I'm sorry for being such a dick last month. And thank you for the whole thing with Russ. I'll pay you back as soon as I can."

Chuck gave him a half smirk and muttered, "No need. I'm glad to have you back."

They sat in silence for a while longer, each lost in their own thoughts. Chuck considered what Damien said about Bart's unfair treatment of him. He had always excused his father's attitude because he had been conditioned to think that he had done something wrong, that he was in some way unworthy of love and kindness because of the violent nature of his birth. He started to think that maybe his father had poisoned his mind against himself from the moment he was able to comprehend his words.

"Petty theft," Damien's words broke into Chuck's thoughts.

"What?"

"I know that you've been wondering what a kid like me is doing at Sinclair. When I was 14 I started stealing from classmates to try to get some type of reaction from my father. Negative attention is still attention, right? It's better than being ignored, at least. Soon, it escalated into stealing from stores and my parents. Usually cash or electronics. I got caught slipping my mom's cash deposit from the office safe, and my dad shipped me here without so much as a conversation. Even then, it was still easier to "deal" with the problem by getting rid of it than by simply talking to me."

"Parents are assholes," Chuck said in a way that declared mutual empathy.

May 7, 2008

Morning

"Why don't you come home to New York with me this summer? That way we can be ignored by my asshole father, while yours doesn't even realize you haven't arrived home for summer break," Chuck said with a laugh and a jab to Damien's arm, though he knew that the truth of his words hurt both of them deep down.

"Let's celebrate tonight. It's the last week of school. Neither one of us got kicked out, and you taught me all about the finer pleasures in life. We've been good for too long, man. Let's let loose tonight."

Chuck looked at him inquisitively. "What did you have in mind?"

"This," Damien responded, holding up a key from a long black ribbon. A mischievous grin slowly spread across his lips.

Chuck knitted his eyebrows together and focused on the key. "And, what, pray tell, is that?"

"Oh, just the key to the indoor pool on campus," He said nonchalantly, pride swelling in his chest when he saw Chuck's astonishment.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"Where else? Georgie. Who knows where she got it?"

"I thought you had cut ties with her."

"Eh, I still see her from time to time. We have fun together. What's the big deal?" Damien questioned.

Chuck sighed in exasperation, but didn't want to be a stick in the mud. What happened to me? He thought absentmindedly. "Alright, I'm in, but I want to keep it low key. Just a few people and drinks. Nothing too wild. We've only got another week until we can get the hell out of here for 3 months. Let's not fuck up our chances."

May 7, 2008

Night

When Chuck made it to the pool, he groaned internally. Low key, my ass.

There were at least 30-40 people present. Kids in one corner of the pool knocked back three shots each in a one minute span. Others ingested, snorted, and injected various drugs off one of the tables in the lounge area of the pool house. Chucks gaze swept over the pool itself and saw several topless girls playing strip volleyball with a couple of guys with distorted hard-ons barely concealed by the ripples in the water. He shook his head when he found Damien and Georgina rounding third base in the corner of the pool. Chuck saw a needle on the ledge of the pool next to them. Fuck!

Chuck was contemplating his next move when he heard screaming coming from his right. Drunken rough housing had caused a boy to hit his head and fall into the pool. Blood was seeping into the water, causing a cloud of crimson to surround the boy's body. Before Chuck knew what was happening, he had dove into the pool lifting an unconscious boy to the deck. He attempted CPR, but the boy was unresponsive. He screamed at the partygoers to call 911, but everyone stared at him in shock and fear. He cursed and fished his cell phone from his bag and dialed Russ's number.

"Get to the pool house now and call an ambulance. We have a kid in need of immediate attention...Just do it, dammit!" He slammed the phone down on the concrete and continued CPR compresses in vain.

At the realization that cops were on the way, most of the drunken teenagers grabbed their belongings and quickly dispersed. Chuck looked up to see an incredibly high Damien standing above him with his mouth agape. "Get out of here now! Clean up all this evidence, and get the hell out of here! Georgina, help him!"

Damien barely registered what Chuck had said, but Georgina coaxed him into helping her grab any drug paraphernalia and other incriminating evidence before they ran, leaving Chuck alone with the injured boy.

"Fuck!" Chuck pulled his hair and cursed. "Fuck!"

Once Russ and the ambulance arrived, they assured Chuck that, though the boy likely had a concussion, he should make a full recovery.

Given that emergency crews were called to campus, Russ could not cover for Chuck. In his interrogation with the headmaster, Chuck accepted all responsibility with the excuse that he and a few friends had simply wanted to go for a late swim. Fortunately, Georgina had been quite thorough when she picked up all the evidence of drugs and alcohol, so the headmaster was a bit more understanding.

"Mr. Bass, this is not the way we run things here at Sinclair. Anthony could have died."

"Yes, sir. I regret my poor decision making and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies." Chuck offered.

"You will be placed on immediate probation effective into next year, as well. Of course, there is the case of reparation…"

"I assure you, sir, that I will more than pay my penance. I'm sure that Bass Industries will also be making a sizable donation if this remains out of the press."

May 8, 2008

Morning

Chuck was so angry with Damien that he couldn't see straight. He had come home early and found Damien passed out in the bathroom. Chuck slapped him across the face to try and wake him, but he couldn't get him to come to. Only after Chuck turned on the shower and shoved him under the icy, stinging stream of water, did Damien begin to open his eyes groggily. He sat on the cold tile barely opening his eyes before he violently vomited into his own lap.

Chuck left the room after he was sure that Damien was sober enough to keep from hurting himself. He made a decision in that moment of pure rage that he would regret every day for the rest of his life.

He picked up Damien's phone, scrolled through his contacts, and copied the phone number he found there to his own cell phone. He then left the dorm and headed outside where he could make the phone call uninterrupted.

May 8, 2008

Early Afternoon

"You motherfucker!" Damien screamed when Chuck returned to their dorm several hours later. "You called my father? Do you have any idea what you've done? You've ruined my fucking life!"

Chuck held his hands up, "Damien, please calm down. You're out of control and you need help. I had no other choice…"

"Like hell you didn't, Chuck! I'm like this because of you. Everything was fine before you came, but remember your promise: "I'll have this place swimming with all the liquor you can drink, drugs you can inject, and girls you can fuck.' Well, congratulations, Chuck, you did it!"

"Damien, you can't blame me…"

"Sure, I can Chuck. Just like your dad blames you for your mom's death. You killed her, and you ruined my life. You're a selfish prick who destroys everyone around you. My dad's sending me to rehab for the whole summer and then it's off to military school. I won't have a single moment to myself for the next eighteen months of my life."

"Damien, please, just…"

"Fuck you, Chuck!" He screamed as he stormed out of the room.

Chuck threw the closest lamp against the wall and screamed before storming out of the dorm. He climbed the stairs to the Commons where he found Georgina lounging on the couch.

"Hey, there, Chuckie. Would you like me to thank you properly for covering for us?" She asked flirtatiously.

"I never want anything from you again, you stupid whore. I asked you to show Damien a good time, not get him hooked on meth and turn his whole fucking life upside down."

Georgina shot daggers straight at Chuck as she stood up and sauntered straight to him, poking her finger in his chest, "Oh, Bass, you're always blameless. I fucked Damien at your request. He was the innocent picture of perfection before YOU influenced him. I may have introduced him to ONE drug, but you introduced him to the lifestyle. This is on you."

May 8, 2008

Late Night

Chuck had never felt so lost in his entire life. As much as he wanted to blame other people, Georgina was right. He had introduced Damien to the path of self-destruction. Guilt began to seep into his chest, but he had no idea how to fix it. The first thing he had to do was calmly talk to Damien and apologize. Perhaps then he could talk Mr. Dalgaard into a less severe punishment.

As Chuck walked into the dorm room, he immediately knew something wasn't right. The lights were on and the water was running in the sink. He nudged the bathroom door open and gasped when he saw Damien lying on the floor with half a dozen prescription pill bottles surrounding his body. He was foaming at the mouth, and Chuck's heart stopped beating for a moment.

He quickly ran to his friend and dropped to his knees to check.

But he already knew.

No pulse.

Damien Dalgaard was dead.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Chuck looked up at Blair, his face stinging with the raw burn caused by the streaks of tears down his cheeks. "I had to call his parents and tell them. I will never get his mother's shrieks out of my head." He dropped his gaze to his hands again. "The coroner couldn't rule out whether it was a suicide or an accidental overdose."

Blair had not said a single word since he started the story. It was after 11 now, but they still sat on the floor in the same position they had assumed when she pulled him to her to let him cry on her shoulder. As he told his story, she had rubbed his back reassuringly, nodded in understanding, and occasionally wiped away tears that escaped when he would start to get emotional again. She wanted to be supportive, but she realized that she really wasn't sure how she felt about everything he had just told her. She still didn't even know how to respond to him.

"Blair, I did so many things wrong. There hasn't been a day since that I haven't thought about what I should've done differently. I got him hooked on drugs, I introduced him to Georgina, I called his father after the pool party. Either way, his blood is on my hands. How am I supposed to live with that? I'm a monster."

He was done crying. There were no tears left to fall, but his body still shook slightly with emotion and fatigue. He had never told anyone about everything that happened at boarding school, especially to such an extent. He had told therapists what they needed to know to help him, but he had kept most of the details to a minimum. He held no more secrets with Blair. As painful as it had been to recall those dark days at Sinclair, it felt good to unload his burden.

Blair grabbed him by the hand and pulled him to his feet. She walked him to the bed and pulled back the covers motioning for him to get in. She followed and pulled him down against her chest while stroking his hair. "Chuck, you have to stop blaming yourself, but right now, I think we are both so exhausted that neither one of us can think straight. Let's get some sleep, and we can talk in a few hours. For the record, I don't think you're a monster; I think you've been through a lot, and you need someone to believe in you."

She leaned down and kissed him on the head. She wasn't sure if she was ready to forgive him just yet, but she knew that above all else, she had to be gentle with him. He was fragile at the moment, and she'd be damned if she added another crack to his fractured heart.

"Thank you for giving me a chance to explain. You're an angel. I don't deserve your understanding or grace. I sure as hell don't deserve your forgiveness," He whispered against her blouse.

She didn't tell him that she hadn't fully forgiven him yet. Her heart still hurt, and his story added another level of complication. She needed to assure him, though, that, even if they weren't lovers, she would still always be there for him, if only as a friend. "The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I'll stand by you through anything."

He pulled her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it. He dared not push her any further. It was enough to merely lay in her arms and bask in her radiance. It was in these moments with her that he was able to forget his past, forget his pain, and even almost forget his guilt. She was his salvation.

XOXO

At 2 am, Blair awoke with a start. Next to her Chuck tossed violently and whimpered against his pillow. She couldn't make out anything more than, "No, no, no."

She sat up and tentatively reached out to touch his cheek. "Chuck, Chuck, it's okay. Shh. I'm here; it's okay."

His eyes fluttered open and he reached up to place his hand over hers. "Blair?"

"Yes, I'm here. You were having a nightmare," She soothed softly.

"Those are quite regular occurrences unfortunately. I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's okay, really," She tried to comfort him by gently stroking his cheek. "It seemed terrible."

"Several nights a week, I dream about my last days with Damien. Sometimes it's the argument we got in over the phone call, sometimes it's him telling me how I ruined his life, sometimes it's the moment I found him de-" he gulped, "dead."

Blair drew a deep breath and gently lifted Chuck's chin. His eyes had unshed tears pooling in them once again, and her heart shattered. "Look at me," she commanded. "You are not to blame for Damien's death, just like you are not to blame for your mother's. Damien was grown and perfectly capable of making his own decisions. Never once did you force him into anything. You tried to help him when he got in too deep. You paid off the security guard. You protected him at the pool party. The words out of his very mouth were that you were like a brother to him. He wouldn't blame you for this, Chuck." She had to inhale to keep her own tears from falling. She knew her words would not have the desired effect, but she had to try. "I know it's hard, Chuck, but I want you to try and understand what I'm saying. You have made mistakes, like every other person on the planet, but you didn't make Damien take all of those pills."

"I just keep thinking that...that if he had never met me, he would still be alive and healthy. I dragged him into the darkness that got him killed, just like I dragged you into the darkness. I destroy everything and everyone I care about."

She gripped his chin in her hand a little too hard and yanked his head back to look her in the eyes. She hardened her expression and demanded his attention, "Stop it, Chuck."

He looked surprised, "What?"

"Stop speaking for me. Stop thinking that you are this monster who destroys everything in his path. You didn't take me anywhere I didn't very willingly go. I wanted to be with you. Chuck, you didn't bring out the darkness in me; you set me free. That night at Victrola was one of the best nights of my life. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel like I was weighed down with societal expectations. I felt like I was free to be me. That's because of you. You gave me that gift. Meeting you was the single greatest blessing of my life."

Chuck's lip quivered as the sincerity in Blair's voice slowly engulfed him. His heart beat at an impossible speed and his mouth went dry. He had never heard such beautiful words of affirmation in his life. This girl was - is - everything to him. Nothing existed beyond her. She was his reason for living. If she believed in him, if she didn't hate him, if she saw value deep inside of him, then he must be worthy of something.

He inched slightly closer to her and cupped either side of her face in his hands. "Blair I-" he closed his eyes to gather his nerves and opened them to the most beautiful set of chocolate brown doe eyes staring back at him patiently, "I love you. I'm in love with you. Undeniably, irrevocably, unconditionally in love with you."

It was in that moment that she realized that she had already forgiven him for the incident at the gala. It seemed so juvenile and inconsequential now, in the grand scheme of things.

He was exactly who she needed him to be - the dark knight with the beautiful soul.

His words cause heat to slowly spread throughout her entire body. She hungrily pulled his lips to her own and kissed him as if the world were ending and there was no time to waste. She wound her arms around his neck and climbed into his lap. The kiss was equal parts hard and passionate.

Her kiss had been so unexpected that he responded in slow motion. It took several seconds before he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her back with as much fervor as he could muster. He trailed hot kisses across her chin and down her neck, pulling her entire body against his own.

Panting from the intensity of the moment, she yanked his hair to get his attention. He looked up at her apologetically, believing that he had gone too far. "Chuck, I love you, too. So much."

This was the moment that Chuck would remember every day for the rest of his life. How could he deserve those words from her perfect mouth? He didn't deserve to breathe the same air as her, yet she loved him despite his misgivings. She loved him for all of the reasons that his father hated him. She loved him even when he couldn't love himself.

He gave her the sweetest kiss she had ever received and gently lay her back on the pillows. With shaking hands, he began to unbutton the blouse that she had fallen asleep in. For each button opened, he placed a reverent kiss on the exposed skin in its place. After allowing the shirt to fall from her shoulders, he kissed her lips again as he lowered the zipper on her skirt and helped her wiggle out of it. His hands slowly trailed from her ankles and up her knees to her thighs. He brought his hands up to cup her face again as he kissed her languidly, gently making love to her mouth as a preview of what he intended to do to her body.

Their lips never parted as he worked his own clothes off with Blair's help.

Chuck eventually trailed his mouth to Blair's ear and nibbled on her earlobe while he unclasped her bra to massage her breasts. "You are truly the most exquisite thing I have ever seen," he whispered. "The first day I saw you...I knew-" He paused to switch to her other ear, "I knew that you were the only girl I couldn't have. You were too perfect, too beautiful, too pure. But I couldn't stay away. Your pull was magnetic." She moaned quietly when his head dropped to her breasts, and he lightly flicked his tongue against her nipple, "And by some fortunate chance, here we are. You are what dreams are made of," He moved to her other breast to lavish it with the same attention, "You fulfill my every fantasy."

Her hand cautiously reached for his boxers and pushed them from his hips. In the darkness of the limo, she had not actually gotten a good glimpse at his manhood. Nervously, she grasped his member in her delicate hand and pumped up and down. She felt self-conscious and inexperienced, but she wanted to show him some of the same pleasure that he bestowed upon her. He groaned, and she became a little more confident in her movements. "Baby, that feels incredible, but I need to make love to you now."

She nodded and he tugged her panties down her legs. Her hands stilled his movements when he reached for his pants. "No need," she blushed. "I went on the pill after the night at Victrola. I trust you." She looked into her eyes to make sure that her last three words registered.

He smiled at her, and positioned himself over her awaiting body. He had never had sex without a condom before, and he was overwhelmed that she trusted him enough to allow it. The fact that it was her made his heart swell in his chest.

As he slowly sank into her, he whispered against her ear, "I love you so much."

Chuck thrust gently into her, his senses heightened by the lack of barrier between them. It felt so incredible - physically and emotionally - that he knew he wasn't going to last long. Her soft mewls in his ear made it even more difficult to stave off his climax. He needed her to reach her peak soon.

He reached down between them to gently massage her nub, causing her to dig her nails into his back. He rubbed his finger in a slow circular motion until he heard her breathing become ragged. He applied more pressure and deepened his thrusts. Just as he was sure she was at the edge, he whispered, "I love you. Come for me, baby. I love you so much."

"Yes, yes, yes! Oh, God, Chuck!" She yelled, "I love you, too!"

The sounds of her ecstasy combined with her confession of love caused the most intense orgasm he'd ever had. He pumped himself into her once more before he came deep inside of her.

XOXO

The sun filtered through the window the next morning, and the two lovers slowly opened their eyes. Their naked limbs were still entangled in each other's embrace, and neither one was quite ready to break contact.

Blair leaned in and kissed Chuck gently on the lips, "Chuck, last night…"

"Do you regret it? If you haven't forgiven me, I understand…"

"Chuck! Stop it. You're doing it again. That thing where you try to speak for me and convince yourself that you're not worthy of my love. Please stop doing that." She kissed him again.

"I'm sorry. Habit. I'll try my best," Another kiss. "You were saying?"

"We didn't really finish talking about Dam...about your feelings about boarding school. Your nightmares are proof that you are still deeply conflicted. I want you to see a therapist - my therapist from when I...had certain problem - he's wonderful. I think you should tell him everything, exactly like you told me. I'll be here for you, but you need a professional to help you unpack everything." She nervously fidgeted with the corner of the blanket, unsure of how he would react to her request.

"Blair, I've seen a dozen therapists…"

"But you haven't seen this one. He's a miracle worker. I promise. Please do it. For me." She stuck out her lower lip.

"Now that's not playing fair," He sucked her lip into his mouth and kissed her again, "But I'll do it for you."

Blair's arms wrapped tightly around his neck in appreciation. "Thank you!"

"Only because I love you."

She would never tire of hearing those words from his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I had every intention of making Blair be more hesitant to forgive Chuck, but these characters have a mind of their own and she kept trying to comfort him. LOL I think I was tired of all the angst and sadness and had to give them (and myself) some happiness.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope that you all aren't too disappointed, but I feel like YFTT has reached a natural end. I could write about Chuck's therapy sessions and give a more detailed description of how Chuck finds out about Blair's battle with bulimia, but I feel like it would start to get repetitive at that point.

Chapter 18

Epilogue

May 2010

It had taken nearly a year of sessions with Blair's therapist, Dr. Rigby, but Chuck had finally reached a point where he was able to wholly and completely forgive himself for Damien's death. The therapist had taught him that we are all responsible for the choices we make in life, and that even the smallest choice can alter our life's trajectory. Chuck vowed in that moment that every choice he made from then on out would keep him on the path to a long and fulfilling life with Blair Waldorf.

While she was away at Yale for her freshman year, he busied himself learning to be second in command to his father at Bass Industries. He spent most weekends with Blair, and his weeks were spent in his office, with Nate, or Skyping with Blair. The Chuck Bass of his younger years was now just a distant memory. Well, that wasn't entirely true. While he had broken his more debaucherous habits, he was still Chuck Bass and some things would never change. He still smoked a joint with Nate any given Friday night, and they'd have to pry his favorite bottle of scotch from his cold, dead hands. But he only drank socially and moderately; he hadn't been anything beyond slightly tipsy in over a year.

As for the women and sex? There was only one woman, but there was a lot of sex. When he had first met Blair Waldorf, he knew that there was something forbidden about her, and he was lucky enough to be the one to unleash her inner goddess. She was an insatiable vixen between the sheets, and Chuck relished in the fact that he was the only one who truly knew that side of her. Besides, he had already learned his lesson about blabbing about their sex life.

Chuck had asked Blair to join him for his last therapy session with Dr. Rigby, knowing that they each still had some items to discuss with one another. They talked about the incident from the gala, the mutual trust issues they had with their parents, and each of their desires to be the controlling party in the relationship. As the session came to a close, Dr. Rigby looked at Blair pointedly and asked her if she had anything she wanted to add to the conversation. Hesitantly, she confessed to Chuck about her previous bouts with bulimia and how it had almost returned after the gala, but she was proud of herself for being able to stay strong and fight through her urges. She explained to him that her battle had started when her father left town, and that her constant comparisons to Serena added fuel to her desire to purge.

Chuck cursed both of her parents - her father for abandoning her and her mother for criticizing her. He was enraged that such a perfect woman could see herself as anything less. When he took her back home that evening, he was determined to prove to her just how incredible she actually was.

He stood behind her in front of her full length mirror and slowly undressed her down to her underwear. Holding her hand in his own, he skimmed her fingers over her cheeks. "This is the most beautiful face I've ever seen. These high cheekbones, hypnotizing doe eyes, perfect little button nose. These barely-there freckles that grace the most flawless skin." He brushed their hands across her lower lip, "These pouty lips that just beg to be kissed," He turned her head to his and placed the gentlest of kisses against her lips, and then trailed their fingers down her neck to dance along her clavicle, "This long, smooth neck that begs to be bitten and sucked," nipping at her neck for emphasis, he moved their hands to cup both of her round breasts, "These perky breasts that drive me crazy when you are bouncing on top of me," Their hands smoothed over her stomach and over the tops of her thighs, "These sexy legs that hold me in a grip lock when we are both screaming out each other's names in ecstasy." He gently kissed her neck again running his tongue along the side to her ear, "But you know what my favorite part is?"

He turned her toward him then and placed a kiss to her lips. He brought their entwined hands to her chest once more and placed it above between her breasts. "Your heart. In here, you've found it in you to love me when I was unlovable. You have the most pure, most beautiful soul I've ever seen. And for that, I love you."

He picked her up gently and carried her to the bed where they made love for the rest of the evening. Blair never again questioned her worthiness because Chuck Bass loved her and she could finally see herself through his eyes.


End file.
